


When I'm Here No Longer You Must Be Stronger

by Creepachu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Love, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Terminal Illnesses, it's kinda long sry, my first fanfiction woop woop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-22 11:41:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2506499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creepachu/pseuds/Creepachu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about falling in love with your best friend without knowing how much time you have left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ready For The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> ~  
> A story in an Alternate Universe of Haikyuu!! where everything is pretty much the same except that Kenma is terminally ill.  
> ~  
> Hey there!  
> I proudly present to you my first fanfiction here on AO3 and I have to be quick to upload it before I chicken out again. -heavy breathing-  
> I've got some things to get off my chest before I can let you start reading, so let's make this quick:  
> First off, English is not my first language and even though I feel rather confident in my writing skills there WILL be mistakes, a lot of them probably, and I WANT you to point them out, please. I already feel weird about uploading it and I just don't want you to suffer while reading because I actually suck at writing.  
> I had immense fun writing this because I'm a sucker for tragedy and shit, heehee. Ah yeah, while I'm at it, someone will probably die, so beware of that. I also feel like most of the characters are really OOC, so beware of that, too.  
> Uhm yeah, that's it for now. See you at the end and I hope you have as much fun reading this as I had writing it.  
> Oh and yes, it's kinda long. So uhm... sorry.

Kenma Kozume had the day he met Kuroo Tetsurou for the first time still fresh in mind.

 

Little boy Kenma was sitting on the windowsill in his room, looking out of the window and watching a moving van drive up and down the street.

He had nothing else to do really, being forced to stay in his room 24/7 because it was possible that he could die just from breathing the air outside.

That's what his parents thought, at least.

He had already completed all the games he owned for his N64 at least twice and he really wasn't in the mood to read so he came to the conclusion that looking out of the window would be fun times.

It wasn't.

It just made his longing to be able to go out and play like all the other kids that much stronger.

The small boy slumped a little further down the window he leaned against and sighed. He cursed his stupid weak body for getting sick all the time. He cursed everything, really. Because he was bored.

He contemplated playing Super Mario 64 for the umpteenth time when his gaze fell on a boy who walked along the sidewalk in front of Kenma's house.

He was pretty sure that he knew all the faces of the children living in his neighborhood by now but he hadn't seen the boy with the truly impressive bedhead before.

The unknown boy walked with a little jump in every step and seemed to whistle although Kenma couldn't, of course, hear it.

After Kenma's gaze had fallen on the messy hair first, he noticed a weird looking ball that was stuck between the left arm and hip of the new boy.

Kenma honestly wondered what the guy was doing, wandering the streets all by himself with a stupid ball, he looked kinda lame.

As if the black haired boy actually heard Kenma's insult he turned his head and looked right at the window where the small brunette sat. Like, not even searching, his eyes landed on Kenma's window on the first try, how weird was that?

Kenma contemplated ducking to hide or something, but on the other hand, he didn't really care, the boy had spotted him anyway. Although he looked at Kenma as if he wasn't sure if he was real or not at first.

But then his lips stretched into a wide grin that creeped Kenma seriously out and made him wonder if he should call the police.

The brown haired boy was in the process of thinking his plan through when the boy pointed a finger at the ball in his arm.

Kenma cocked his head in confusion and regretted it immediately, because he had actually intended to ignore the unknown boy.

The raven haired boy waved in a way that meant that he should come outside but Kenma shook his had fervently at his suggestion.

It was October and pretty chilly already. Going outside was like asking for a flu on a silver plate to him.

The other boy's shoulders slumped and he put out his lower lip in a pouty way.

He looked seriously sad and Kenma sighed before he pointed at his chest and shook his head again.

This time it was the other boy's turn to cock his head in confusion. Kenma thought about writing it down but the black haired guy surely wouldn't be able to read it from this distance.

His mom was out for yoga classes and his dad was probably asleep in front of the TV again, like everyday after dinner.

Sneaking out wouldn't be a hard task to accomplish but his parents would seriously give him hell if they found out.

But he was so bored and if he just went out for a few minutes, it couldn't hurt, right?

The air outside smelled like fall and was indeed chilly, but not unpleasant.

Kenma relished in breathing fresh air after he stepped outside. 

It was probably, literally, forever since he was last outside. With cautious steps the young boy walked across their lawn and through the garden gate.

It wasn't until both of his feet reached the sidewalk that he allowed himself to breath freely.

Although his breath came in ragged breaths he felt great.

The thought of breaking the rules made his skin tingle with excitement and his chest feel like it was filled with ants.

He didn't even think of looking for the raven haired boy, the reason why he broke the rules in the first place, but it wasn't long until footsteps made him look up.

Close up his hair looked even messier and his grin even creepier and now Kenma was sure that he hadn't seen his face around.

“Did you move here today?”, he asked with his scratchy, misused voice before even introducing himself. Manners were never Kenma's strong point, he cared too less for that.

The black haired didn't seem to care either, because his grin just stretched even wider and he held a hand out.

“Yep, I'm Kuroo Tetsurou.”

Kenma already felt like panicking at the sight of the hand in front of him, probably with the intention to get shaken.

It was a bad idea after all, maybe he should just go back into the house after explaining and ignore the boy ...

But he was presented with a rare opportunity to try something he always wanted to try – making friends.

He already came this far, there was no point in turning back now.

And like this Kenma took a deep breath and cautiously shook the hand of the black haired boy, Kuroo.

The mention of his name came out all scratchy and quiet but Kuroo's grin widened nonetheless, even though Kenma was sure that wasn't possible.

“Alright, Kenma. What were you doing sitting all by yourself at the window like an old man,?”

Kenma was a little taken aback at the bluntness in Kuroo's words but when his grin didn't falter he answered shyly: “I get sick a lot, that's why I'm not allowed to leave my room.”

Kuroo's expression turned into a surprised one, his eyes opened wide and his eyebrows raised to his hairline.

Kenma was sure that his next words would be something along the lines like “Eww, go away, weakling.” or “No one wants to play with a sick boy.” like it has always been the case.

“Aw man.”, Kenma inwardly braced himself, “That really sucks, must be pretty boring.”

Kenma blinked and tried to wrap his head around what the black haired boy had just said. No dry laugh came from the boy and instead of an disgusted expression he looked genuinely sorry.

“Uh yes, it does.”

Kenma answered in a tiny voice while he played with a loose thread on his jacket, his cheeks started to burn and he wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or glee.

“What do you do all day, then?”, the raven haired boy asked while he cocked his head to get a better look at Kenma's tilted down face. “Uhm, I play games?”

Kuroo's face lit up immediately.

“Cool, what games?”

Kenma gave a halfheartedly shrug even though excitement was bubbling in his chest, he never had someone to talk about his favorite hobby before.

“Super Mario 64, The Legend Of Zelda, Smash Bros. …”

He could've gone on like this for a while but was interrupted by Kuroo bouncing up and down in front of him.

“You've got a N64? That's so cool! Can I play someday?”

Kuroo awaited Kenma's answer with eager eyes and the blond boy couldn't help but smile before he nodded and answered: “Sure.” at which the other boy punched the air and yelled: “Yes!”. So lame.

The next moment the weird looking ball in Kuroo's hands was shoved into his face without warning and Kenma blinked in surprise.

“In exchange, I'm also gonna show you a fun game.”

A wide grin had settled on the features of the raven haired boy again and Kenma looked at him in confusion. That boy confused him a lot.

“Do you know volleyball?”, Kuroo asked in an excited voice.

Kenma shook his head no, causing the other one to bounce up and down excitedly again.

“Then I'll show you how to play, okay?”

Well, Kenma had already broken the rules, why not make the most of it?

He answered with a shrug that was met with an eager nod.

“Come on then, Kenma.”

-

It wasn't surprising that Kenma's parents weren't thrilled when he came home with a bloody nose and an apologetic looking Kuroo by his side later that day.

But as time went by and Kuroo kept coming back to ask if he could play with Kenma, his parents began to accept the fact that they wouldn't be able to keep the boy with the messy bedhead away.

At some point even their parents became something like friends when angry phone calls turned into dinner at each others house and shared yoga classes instead.

Kenma's parents weren't crazy about it when their son brought up that he wanted to join the local volleyball club but gave in eventually after Kuroo had promised them for the hundredth time that he would take care of his friend at all times.

Kenma would have never admitted it out loud, but after months of playing volleyball together, beating him at Smash Bros. and Kuroo bringing him soup whenever he was sick (again) he came to think of the boy with the black bedhead as his best friend.

And only friend, but let's ignore that fact.

And it stayed that way even years later when Kuroo dyed Kenma's hair blond for the first time (it was an utter disaster with burning scalps and hands and hair that turned out a bright orange instead of blond) and they both decided to join the same High school. They were an unity.

Whenever their friends at Nekoma High spoke of them it would be 'Kuroo and Kenma' instead of 'Kuroo' or 'Kenma'. Or 'the trashcat and his kitten', but they both decided to ignore it whenever they were called like that.

They were at each others side in their best ups and worst downs.

Kenma wordlessly rubbing Kuroo's back when he lay sobbing in his bed for days after a bad breakup and Kuroo spending days and nights at Kenma's side when his lungs threw a fit or he had his monthly cold again.

Even in volleyball they were a perfect match.

Kenma might have been a little weaker than the other ones due his non existent immune system, but his game sense and technique were beyond extraordinary. He wasn't called their team's 'brain' for nothing, after all.

His cleverness matched well with Kuroo, who was able to think on his own just fine but liked it best when Kenma did it for him so he just had to smash the ball into their enemies part of the court.

They were outstanding players on their own but together they were invincible.

Kenma Kozume was a smart boy.

And, even though he never let it show, quite emotional sometimes.

Bruises Kuroo had to bear with after every gaming session together and the fact that he undoubtedly saw a single tear on Kenma's cheek when they had watched 'Bambi' once were proof of that.

He was a terrible morning person, hated to go out into public, was really picky when it came to food and would live only on junk food if his health would have allowed it.

He was able to shut everything around him out when he was deep into a game and his greatest wish was to live in the digital world of one of his games where his weak body was replaced with a buff figure and rad armor.

He was imperfect in many ways and that made him even more perfect in Kuroo's eyes.

“Quit staring, it looks creepy.” Yaku Morisuke, their short Libero (never say that in his face, Kuroo learned that the very painful way), came to a halt beside the black haired boy, sweat dripping from his face.

Kuroo was sitting on one of the benches in Nekoma's gym, taking a break from practice, when he jerked out of his trance and looked at Yaku standing beside him, reaching for a water bottle.

“Huh?”, was all he responded with and the short brunette looked at him in silence until he let himself down beside Kuroo.

“You look at him a lot lately.”, the short brunette said without looking at Kuroo. He opened his water bottle and ignored Kuroo staring at him while he took a few gulps.

After Kuroo realized he wouldn't get any more insight on what Yaku was talking about he voiced his confusion out loud: “What are you talking about?”

Yaku rolled his eyes while wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I'm talking about the kitten.”

Kuroo cocked his head, his eyes still on their Libero.

“Kenma?” Yaku nodded once.

“Why is it so weird that I look at him? I look at people a lot.”

Kuroo's eyebrows were knitted in utter confusion and Yaku's answer, which came as a sigh, did him no good, either.

He moved a little closer to Kuroo's side and his voice was barely above a whisper.

“Well, then let me put it this way: You look at him differently than other people.”

Kuroo blinked once, twice and the short brunette could literally see the gears working.

“Don't hurt yourself.”, he mumbled but he was ignored until the black haired guy turned to him, the confused expression on his face still apparent.

“I don't get it.”

Yaku hid his face in his hands because he didn't know what expression it showed, he didn't know if he felt more like crying or laughing.

The brunette came to the conclusion that beating around the bush wouldn't get this conversation anywhere, so he said bluntly: “You like him, don't you?”

Kuroo blinked again.

“Well, yeah, he's my best fr...” Yaku's groan interrupted him before he could end the sentence. “As in more than a friend, I mean.”

Finally the gears seemed to fall into place and with a small satisfied grin Yaku saw a blush creeping on the older one's face. Seeing Kuroo Tetsurou flustered sure was a sight to behold.

“I... I...”, the black haired boy stuttered.

“No need to deny it, it's cool.”

Yaku took another sip from his water bottle, a grin still on his lips.

“Ah, no... I mean...” Kuroo nervously scratched the shorter hair at the back of his neck.

“He-he's great, no? I mean, he's got talent, is what I mean. Great toss and all.”

Luckily they were interrupted by Yamamoto's animalistic battle cry that simply expressed that he didn't get blocked for once.

Yaku sighed and instead of picking up the topic from before he simply said: “He surely has got some talent, but we still have a long way to go.”

And he meant that in more than one way.

“You should get some work done too, cap'n, practice is nearly over.”

The blush on Kuroo's face was still apparent, but he grinned at him, his mischievous one this time.

“Yeah, can't let the infantry overthrow their captain, eh.”

Yaku reflected his grin and picked up one of the strewn volleyballs lying on the floor.

“We will see about that.”

-

The sun was already setting when Kuroo closed the door of their club's dressing room.

The early fall air was beginning to get chilly. Kuroo could see his breath disappear as white puffs into the air.

“Ugh.” The pudding haired boy beside him let out an unpleasant sound. “'s cold.”

Kuroo carelessly threw the club room’s key into the depths of his schoolbag and turned to the frail looking boy beside him.

Even though he wore at least three layers of clothing, one scarf and (kinda cute) mittens, Kenma was undeniably shaking like a leaf.

“You don't have anymore clothes with you?”

The small boy shook his head, then looked up at his taller best friend.

“Except for my volleyball clothes, but they are smelly.”

Kuroo chuckled at his remark. “Alright.”

He put his schoolbag on the ground once more and peeled himself out of his jersey to throw it over the small frame of his childhood friend.

“But you are going to be cold.”

The untrained eye would see no emotion in the amber eyes of Kenma Kozume but Kuroo saw a small hint of concern glistening in the golden depth of his irises and his heart coughed and spluttered.

“Nah.” The raven haired boy swung his bag over his shoulders and started to walk down the stairs leading to the courtyard.

“I'm a big boy, I can handle the cold.”

He looked back over his shoulder where he saw Kenma tightening his jersey around himself before falling into step behind him. Kuroo thanked the heavens that he was able to explain his blush with the cold.

“Unlike you poor, sick, little boy who's probably gonna die from a simple cold.”

Kenma instantly pouted and refused to look him in the eye, just muttering: “Stop it.”

Kuroo knew that Kenma hated it to death when someone mentioned his practically non existent immune system and weak lungs, that he clearly saw as a weakness, in any way and Kenma knew that Kuroo was pretty much always an asshole so he let it slip most of the time.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Kuroo fervently trying to suppress the chattering of his teeth.

“You are going to cramp if you keep this up, you know.”

The black haired boy could literally hear the eye roll in the words muttered by his companion.

Confused he looked to his right side where the pudding haired boy was walking.

“Huh?” Was all Kuroo gave as an answer and damn, he couldn't keep his teeth from chattering in the end.

This time Kenma rolled his eyes for real and without any warning his left hand shot from the depths of his many layers of clothing and grabbed Kuroo's right hand that he had balled into a fist because of his immense effort of not showing how darn cold he was.

And before the tall boy could do so much as blink his right hand disappeared along with his childhood friend's in a pocket somewhere in clothing Narnia.

He didn't really care in which of the many pockets his hand had disappeared into though, it was nice and warm.

He also didn't care because he was too baffled to even comprehend what just happened.

Kenma was ready to get going again but was stopped by Kuroo who stood frozen in place like a statue.

The shorter guy blinked and looked at him confused. Possibly confused, Kuroo couldn't really tell this time because his brain apparently short circuited.

“What? Do you have a cramp after all?”

Kuroo actually felt like his whole body had a cramp because he couldn't fucking move. He wanted to but all he could do was stare and feel the heat his right hand was enclosed in.

It felt like his hand was stuck in a heater, it was so very warm. And slowly but surely that heat spread from his fingertips to his arm and would soon set his whole body on fire if he didn't do anything.

So he acted on instinct and pulled his hand from Kenma's grip and out of clothing Narnia.

“I-it's okay... really. You don't have to”

Kuroo was nothing short of a mess, a blushing, stuttering mess and he tried to cover it with an embarrassed laugh but actually just made it worse.

In the depths of his non-functional brain, that slowly started to get to work again, he wondered since when and why it was this way.

Now it was Kenma's turn to look at the older guy like tentacles were growing out of his ears.

Or like he just acted as if he burned his hand just by touching him.

He just wanted to do him a favor, why did he act like touching him was the worst thing that ever happened to him and then had to search for stupid excuses?

Kenma muttered something in his scarf, his eyebrows knitted in frustration.

Right then even a blind man could see that he was angry. Sadly, Kuroo's sense of reading the mood was even worse than that of a blind man.

“Uh, what did you say?”

Albeit his still burning embarrassment the raven haired boy stepped forward.

When Kenma spoke again even his voice sounded angry and that actually only happened when he died in a boss battle or was stuck in a game and everyone close to him knew that those were the signs to step out of his way real damn fast.

“I said that I'm not contagious.”

The pudding haired boy had his gaze fixed on the ground so he didn't see Kuroo's puzzled expression.

The black haired boy cocked his head and tried to make sense of what his childhood friend had just said.

“I... know?”

“Then why do you act like I am?”

This time Kenma was quick to reply and his stare fixed on Kuroo's eyes instead of the ground.

“What do you... oh.”

It seemed that Kuroo's brain was functioning properly again after its sudden standby and his eyes grew wide.

“Oooh no, no, I wasn't. I mean, I didn't act like that because... I did because...”

Yeah, because what?

Kuroo let his gaze drop to the hand that was enveloped by Kenma's a few moments ago and still felt like it was throbbing from being burned.

A heavy silence laid itself between them like a thick barrier no one of them was able to cut through.

After a while Kenma simply shook his head and began walking away. Kuroo was quick to follow but Kenma turned his head so fast Kuroo was sure he should have broken his neck.

“Don't follow me, I don't wanna see your face right now.”

Ouch. That hurt.

Kuroo stood where he was and stared at his childhood friend. Not really accepting the order he got but simply too stunned to move.

The blonde boy turned around and began walking away again, only Kuroo's stare following him until he vanished behind the horizon.

“Huh.”

Was the only reaction the black haired boy was able to show and slowly began walking.

He wasn't cold anymore.

He wasn't anything anymore, really.

-

The next day was hell. For several reasons.

First off, Kuroo felt like he only slept for five minutes which was probably true because he lay awake most of the night thinking about what had happened before he arrived at his house yesterday.

He came to no conclusion why Kenma had acted the way he did and decided to confront him the next day. They seriously needed to talk.

If he managed to fall asleep at least, he woke up five seconds later because of terrifying nightmares that involved a cave made of clothes and someone following him but he couldn't see who, he just knew that he should be very afraid.

After he gave up trying and got up to waste his time with morning TV he stubbed his toe twice, on the same chair while making coffee, put expired milk in his coffee , fell asleep while watching TV, had to literally ran around the house to pack his stuff only to notice that Kenma still had his favorite jersey and that he now had to wear the ugly blue one.

He was beyond done when he stepped through the door and he didn't even bat an eyelid when he saw that his father had yet again borrowed his bike without asking and now he had to walk and would be all sweaty and gross because he had to hurry.

“Today sucks.” He muttered to himself while stepping on the sidewalk in front of his house.

“Agreed.” answered a male voice behind him and Kuroo whirled around to find a yawning Yamamoto walking a few steps behind him in his direction.

A mumbled “Morning.” and half lidded eyes, that let the guy with the mohawk haircut look like he was still half asleep, was everything Kuroo received as a greeting and he returned it with a mumbled “Morning.” himself.

They walked alongside each other in silence for a moment, Kuroo deciding that he would be late anyway so no need to unnecessarily hurry, until Yamamoto yawned all open mouth and then said in a drowsy voice while rubbing his eyes: “It's rare for you to be late, rough night?”

The black haired boy gave a halfheartedly shrug.

“Something like that.”

“Whassup?”

Yamamoto didn't seem particularly interested in Kuroo's life outside the court but this time his eyebrows were knitted in slight concern and that really put the black haired guy off. Did he look that miserable?

Kuroo went back to look at the pavement under his feet.

“Uuhh not much, I just didn't sleep too well. I had some things to think about.”

He shrugged like it was no big deal because it really wasn't.

The mohawk boy to his right on the other hand gave a deep sigh before muttering: “It's about Kenma, huh?”

Kuroo was too startled by the younger guy's words to keep his cool. He instead turned his head at lightning speed and looked at him with pulled up eyebrows. Yamamoto interpreted his actions as a 'yes' and shook his head lightly.

“Don't worry too much or you'll get gray hair and you really don't wanna look like old man Bokuto yet, eh?”

Kuroo was still too taken aback to answer, why did this happen so often lately? He was usually the one to have the last word and now he didn't have any words at all.

Kuroo combed his fingers through his usual bedhead ,and succeeded in making it worse, while stuttering: “I-I don't... I...”

“Aw come on, don't bullshit me here, a blind man can tell that you have the hots for our lil' kitten.”

A mischievous grin stretched Yamamoto's lips while he looked at Kuroo who blushed a deeper red with every passing second.

“You get all dopey-smile when you look at him sometimes and you take care of him like you're his mom, seriously. It's gross, but kinda cute.”

Yamamoto folded his hands behind his head and talked all nonchalantly about the fact that Kuroo might be in love with his childhood friend. He couldn't handle it and was once again turned into spluttering, blushing mess.

“I-I'm not! He's my best friend since childhood, it's only natural to take care of him.”

The blush on the older one's cheeks betrayed the utter lies that were coming out of his mouth.

He was hopeless and he knew it and it seemed like also Yamamoto knew it. And if Yamamoto knew, probably the whole team did. With Kuroo's luck the whole goddamn school already knew. He covered his beet red face in his hands and was for once glad that they were as cold as ice to cool his burning cheeks.

“Ugh.”

He didn't expect to hear Yamamoto laugh but he still did and that made Kuroo peek through his fingers. He was sure he was being mocked but the younger guy's laugh was honest and so was his grin afterward.

A pat on his back reassured Kuroo that he wouldn't be be bantered about him being pretty much gay for his childhood friend and he let his hands fall to his sides in defeat.

“Chill bro, it's cool, really. It's good, for the both of us. More ladies for the king this way.”

The boy with the mohawk let out a barking laugh and posed pointing at himself like he was the best thing the world had to offer. If that were the case, Kuroo thought, then the world would immediately be doomed the second Yamamoto opened his mouth.

He was a good guy though, if he didn't talk. The black haired boy felt a smile tugging at his lips, the embarrassment slowly subsiding.

“There you go again!”

Kuroo blinked confused at a finger pointing a few inches apart from his face, then at the owner of mentioned finger.

“You look like out of a shoujo manga, only the sparkles and roses and shit are missing.”

His words were probably intended to sound accusing, but Yamamoto was still grinning like an idiot, like a seriously happy idiot.

Kuroo's dumbfounded face was replaced by his trademark grin (That, to quote Kenma, looked like he eats children and wants to kidnap everyone's wife to offer them as a sacrifice to Satan.) and he punched Yamamoto lightly on the shoulder.

“Keep your trap shut, you're just jealous you'll never find someone who likes you.”

The younger boy's face fell and his self confident grin was replaced by a pout.

“No way, you like me!”

“There's a difference between 'liking someone' and 'to bear with someone's presence because I have to', my dear mohawk friend.”, Kuroo explained with a small grin on his face and a raised finger.

Yamamoto acted like he was seriously hurt, clutching his chest and all.

They kept this up for a while, teasing each other, punching the other one on the arm, laughing like maniacs (or in Kuroo's case, to quote Kenma again, like a shady pervert) until the school came into sight.

They were seriously late by now and were lucky if they arrived to the second class in time but neither of them really cared.

It was good, it felt right to laugh like this.

Kuroo clearly worried to much lately when he considered walking with Yamamoto to school fun times. But what could he do? He was in love with his childhood friend who constantly suffered from three illnesses at once and was also a huge nerd. And probably hated his guts since yesterday.

His life was a damn tragedy. He should write a book about it.

“Alright.” Yamamoto said when they were ready to part at the entrance of their school. “See you, trashcat, and don't worry too much, kay?”

Kuroo's grin reappeared and he answered while waving with one hand: “Don't pretend like your haircut makes you smart, smartass.”

The last thing he saw of Yamamoto was a raised middle finger and the black haired boy couldn't stop grinning until he arrived at his classroom, just in time for his next class.

-

After being lectured for arriving late to school by his teacher (who could be seriously scary when he got angry, holy shit) Kuroo slumped in his seat by the window and let out a sigh that sounded like he had all the problems in the world and not just an unhealthy crush and stupid friends.

He closed his eyes to nap for the rest of the break between first and second class and enjoyed the weak sunlight that shone through the dirty windows on his face.

But apparently that wasn't what Yaku Morisuke had in mind when he let his hands down on Kuroo's table with such force that the raven haired boy jerked out of his slumber with a manly yell of surprise. Not with a girly screech, of course.

“What the fuck, Yaku!”

Kuroo nearly yelled while his heart threatened to jump right out of his chest. His irritated stare was met with a nonchalant gaze.

“You are late.”

Well, no shit, Sherlock. “Yeah, rough night. Sorry.”

Kuroo fixed his stare on the top of his table and ran his fingers through his unruly bed hair. Yaku simply nodded and Kuroo was glad he didn't have to explain his situation again.

“Kenma asked for you, he seemed worried.” Kuroo's heart rate picked up again and the fingers combing through his hair froze in place.

Yaku cocked his head. “You two okay?”

The black haired boy was unable to look into his eyes and scratched his cheek nervously when he answered: “Ah yeah, yeah, everything's cool, no need to worry.”

He let out a nervous chuckle. The brunette just stared at him, he could literally feel his stare boring through his messy hair and into his head.

It didn't need attempted mind reading tricks to tell that Kuroo was hiding the truth but Yaku just gave a curt nod.

“You should talk to him.” And with that he stepped away to go to his own seat.

Kuroo let out a shuddering breath, his heart was still going crazy in his chest.

The short brunette could be seriously intimidating without even trying and Kuroo was just as scared as he was envious of that.

On top of that he was right. He should talk to Kenma, for several reasons.

That he wanted exactly that the least at the moment scared him almost more than Yaku's ability to scare people for no reason.

He let his head drop back on the table as the teacher began with the class.

-

Two hours later it was lunch break and usually he would be gone in seconds to find Kenma so they could eat lunch together somewhere.

But today wasn't an usual day and Kuroo stayed glued to his seat when the bell rang.

He didn't even know if Kenma wanted to see him, he hadn't texted him since the incident yesterday.

What if he had finally realized that Kuroo was just a huge asshole and that he never wanted to see him in his life ever again, oh god, what if he seriously hated him now, what if he found a new best friend and what if they fell in love, what if, what if, what if...

“Oi, what are you doing?”

Kuroo flinched at the voice coming from his right side and turned his head around.

Next to his table stood Kenma, Bento in one hand and looking as bored a ever. Kuroo hadn't even noticed him approaching while he was immersed in his mind consuming self pity party.

“You should stop thinking, that looked painful.”, the pudding head said with no expression at all.

It seemed that he wasn't angry at Kuroo, but he had yet to fully master the skill of reading Kozume Kenma, so he wasn't entirely sure. 

“You coming now, or what?”

Kuroo looked at his friend in confusion. Kenma gave a sigh and turned his gaze to look out of the window.

“You sure are slower than usual today.” He held the Bento Box in his right hand up a little higher and looked back at Kuroo's dumbfounded facial expression. “Lunch?”

The raven haired boy was up in seconds.

“Oh, right!” He rummaged through his bag for a while only to notice that he had, of course, forgotten to pack his lunch.

Kuroo gave a tired sigh. He would send a prayer to the heavens when this day was finally over.

“I forgot my lunch at home.”, he admitted in a tiny voice.

Kenma rolled his eyes before he turned around and started to walk out of the room.

“We can share, now come on.”

With a grin on his face he followed his childhood friend outside.

The weather outside was chilly but not freezing-to-the-bones-chilly so they sat outside in the last few sunbeams fall had to offer before winter would replace anything warm and cozy with cold and runny noses.

Kuroo sat cross-legged next to his best friend and stretched like a cat before subtly stealing a sausage out of Kenma's lunchbox.

While he chewed he stole glances at the boy beside him. Kenma wore several layers of clothes again, apparently enough this time because he didn't shiver, and the wind blew his golden strands all over the place until he put them back in place with a frustrated expression because they blocked his view from the mobile game he was playing.

He wasn't quick enough to look away when Kenma met his gaze and tried to cover his blush by subtly scratching his nose. Man, those trees sure looked interesting today.

“Stop that.”

Kuroo made sure he wore his most innocent expression when he turned his gaze to meet Kenma's expressionless eyes.

“Huuuuh?” Smooth, real smooth.

Kenma snapped his phone shut and picked an onigiri out of his lunchbox. He looked at the food in his hand when he spoke up again.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

Kuroo cocked his head in honest confusion.

“Like what?”

He watched Kenma take a bite and patiently waited for an answer.

The younger boy swallowed and looked at his onigiri like it was the cause of his loss for words.

“Like... I don't know, like I'm the most precious thing you have ever seen.”

A faint blush dusted Kenma's pale cheeks, his blonde hair was ruffled by the wind again and shone almost golden in the sun.

Without thinking Kuroo answered: “Oh, but you are.”

They looked at each other and were silent for a long time.

Kenma's eyes were opened wide, his gold irises matching his hair when they met Kuroo's, black like ink and expressing nothing but pure honesty.

It seemed like they just saw each other, nothing else around them mattered, it was kinda cheesy really, and without even realizing it their faces came closer and closer and closer... until Kuroo felt something wet under his palm and he gave another really manly yell.

That certainly broke the spell and Kenma blinked as if Kuroo had just screamed at him. Which he actually did.

Kenma's gaze wandered to Kuroo's right hand where traces of his lunch still stuck. Well, former lunch and now inedible mass that was crushed under the palm of Kuroo Tetsurou.

Yes, indeed, Kuroo had cockblocked himself by putting his hand into his best friend's lunchbox.

Great. Today was just fucking great.

The raven haired boy gave another deep, deep sigh and decided that it would probably be for the best to just go home, lay in his bed and do nothing until this day was over.

“Sorry.” Kuroo mumbled with a slight blush of embarrassment on his cheeks while picking rice and other remains of Kenma's lunch from his hand.

He got interrupted in the process when a chuckle reached his ears and he looked up.

The pudding haired boy tried to hide his smile behind one of his hands but couldn't help but to chuckle again at the sight of his best friend.

The rare sight of Kenma chuckling let Kuroo stop what he was doing to simply stare in disbelief, his hands hanging uselessly in front of his face, which caused the blonde boy to full blown laugh.

It was scratchy, probably from misuse and weak lungs, and high pitched and the most wonderful thing Kuroo had heard in a long time. And he was proud that he was the cause of it even though it was through his own stupidity.

Kenma's laugh caused Kuroo to smile himself.

“Stop laughing at me, dumb ass.”, he said grinning and continued to free his hand of food.

“But...” another chuckle, “... you look so stupid.”

Kuroo feinted hurt and stuck out his lower lip.

Kenma's laugh subsided into small giggles that he hid by burying half his face in his big, brown scarf that matched his eyes.

“I'm sorry.”

“Nah, I forgive you.” Kuroo said while he wiped his hand on the grass. “Under one condition.”

He held his, now clean, forefinger in front of his best friend's face who curiously fixed his eyes on it. When no answer came Kenma turned his gaze to Kuroo's face and cocked his head.

“What condition?”

The faint blush on the cheeks of the raven haired boy indicated that nothing good could follow as an answer. 

And Kenma was, as always, right.

“You have to laugh more like that.” Kuroo was quick to look away in embarrassment and missed the small smile that tugged on the corner of the younger boy's lips.

“I'll try.”, he answered shyly.

-

The next time Kuroo and Kenma met was in front of the locker room of their volleyball club.

Kuroo was the last one to appear because he forgot that he had cleaning duty that day and had to run all the way back to his classroom and then appeared ten minutes too late to practice.

No excuse he muttered could change the angry look every single one of his team members threw his way. He couldn't blame them though, as the captain of the team he and the coach were the only ones who were in possession of keys for the locker room.

And waiting in the cold for ten minutes or longer had to be well, cold. Kuroo wouldn't know, he was breathing hard and sweaty from running all the way over to the gym.

In conclusion, he was sure that he would get a lot of volleyballs aimed at his head 'by accident' today.

Another sigh, he stopped counting them some time ago today, escaped his lips as he threw his bag in front of his locker with more force than necessary.

“Dude.” Kuroo looked up to meet Yamamoto, or rather only his head that peaked around the corner. “You're really out of it today, eh.”

“Tell me about it.” He mumbled as he pulled his top over his head to get changed. Chilly air hit his bare skin and he felt goosebumps covering his body immediately.

They really needed to get the heater fixed before they would catch pneumonia just by changing in here during winter. Kuroo was fast to pull the shirt he used for training over his head and tried to warm up by rubbing his forearms and doing a jerky dance to wriggle out of his pants.

When the black haired boy finished dressing he put his stuff into his locker, tried taming his hair using his fingers, and turned to meet up with the other guys at the other end of the room.

“Hey Kenma, you okay?”

Kuroo's ears perked up when he heard the mention of his best friend's name.

He round the lockers blocking his view from the rest of the room when he saw Yaku, Inuoka and Lev standing around the pudding head that was Kenma, who sat crouched down next to the door.

Kuroo sped up and stood next to the tall Russian.

“Wassup?”, he asked, his gaze never leaving Kenma who looked utterly miserable as he sat there all pale and shaking like a leaf.

“You don't look so fresh, Kenma.”

Kuroo crouched down next to his friend and tried to get a better look at his face. He, on the other, tried his best to avoid his gaze.

“I'm fine, I'm just a bit cold.” Which was probably the understatement of the year based on the fact that Kuroo barely understood a word through the chattering of Kenma's teeth.

“Kenma, your lips are blue.”, stated Yaku who had the best sight of Kenma's face at that moment.

Kuroo's lips were pressed into a thin line to prevent himself from going all mother hen on Kenma.

Instead he asked in a tight voice: “Do you still have my jersey?”

Kenma still, for some unknown reason, didn't look at Kuroo but he nodded nonetheless.

He was quickly on his feet to stomp away to Kenma's locker. There he found his favorite, red jersey at the bottom of Kenma's schoolbag and returned with it in his grip. Kuroo crouched down in front of his pudding haired friend again and offered him his jersey.

“Here, put that on.”

Only then turned Kenma his head to look at the jersey in Kuroo's hands.

“But coach doesn't like it when we wear jackets during training.”, he said with a pouty expression on his, in-fucking-deed, blue lips.

“Doesn't matter when our setter dies during training, now put the damn jacket on, Kenma.”

The various levels of shitty his day had already reached began to took its toll on him. He felt a hot knot of anger in his chest and it grew stronger with every passing moment.

He felt sick at the amount of hurt in Kenma's gaze when it finally reached his eyes but he couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

He just wanted Kenma to wear the jersey so he wouldn't die of god fucking knows what, was that too much to ask?

The raven haired boy was ready to punch a hole in the wall next to Kenma's head when he finally reached for the jersey and wordlessly put it on.

Kuroo nodded his thanks, stood up and turned to walk for the door. He ignored the stares his teammates threw his way.

-

Training was awkward but it was mostly unusually quiet. Yamamoto's usual battle cries were the only things interrupting the silence in the gym and even those were muffled by alternate hands.

They treated Kuroo like he was a ticking time bomb that was about to go off at the tiniest sound.

And they were damn right to do so because that's exactly what he felt like.

He didn't even know why he was so angry, he just was.

He guessed it was because of how shitty his day had went up until now. Although not all parts were that shitty, even though they could have gone better. Oh well.

His anger was on the verge of subsiding after a few successful spikes and blocks and he was glad that everyone of his team members had apparently decided it would be smart to delay the volleyball-meets-head-punishment.

And after a few side glances Kuroo was sure that Kenma seemed to feel better too, he even took the jersey off after a few laps of warming up.

Even though he had to sit the last two laps out because of the whole can't-breathe-thing but that wasn't anything new to them.

They decided on a quick break before spending the rest of their training session with a 3 vs. 3 match.

That's when Lev tried to subtly approach Kuroo and failed miserably because well, the guy was pretty damn huge and thus hard to miss.

Still, he tried to ignore the russian giant until he stood only a few inches apart from him and tried to catch Kuroo's attention with a few “Uhm”'s and “Ehm”'s.

“What, Lev? Spit it out already.”

Kuroo still felt the anger prickling under his skin and he tried to distract himself with his water bottle. He never noticed how shitty the design actually was

“It's just... uhm... I'm kinda worried?”

The raven haired body craned his neck to look at the blonde giant with a puzzled expression.

“Huh, why?”

Lev appeared nervous and fumbled with the ball in his hands, not meeting Kuroo's hard glare.

“You seem really angry today.”

“I'm angry pretty often.” Kuroo deadpanned as an answer.

“Yeah, I mean, even angrier than usual.”

The Russian laughed nervously, probably to try to break the ice, it didn't work.

“Is there anything we can do?” Lev actually looked hopeful and Kuroo hated to crush the little spark of hope because no, there wasn't anything they could do.

Oh wait, there was. “Leave me alone.”

“O-oh, alright.” Kuroo didn't dare to look at the face that came along with Lev's sad answer, so he didn't.

“Just today, alright, just leave me alone for today.”

From the corner of his eye he saw the tall blonde nod and leave.

He knew that he broke the record for bitchiness and probably deserved a gold medal for 'The Biggest Asshole On The Planet' that day but just couldn't bring himself to care.

He just had to go through the match without breaking something or someone and this clusterfuck of a day would finally be over.

-

The match started out like any other match, they teased each other until they started to insult everyone and everything.

So far, so good.

Kuroo wasn't in his best shape that day and everyone knew or expected it. But boy, was he bad. He jumped too late, his strikes were beyond lousy (if he hit the ball at all) and all in all they would have been better off without him. He tried to ignore the side glances and succeeded so far until they included a particular amber pair.

He called for a time out when he couldn't take it anymore.

“Could you get it together for god's sake, Kuroo?!” Ah yes, the sweet sound of empathy.

Yaku's face was all shades of red when he appeared in front of the black haired boy who just stared nonchalantly at the tiny brunette. He was furious and everyone within a radius of one meter made sure to step back another two.

Only Kuroo stood his ground because if Yaku wanted to fight, then sure thing, bring it on.

“I don't know what's bugging you and I really don't want to know but could you play the adult for once and stop hindering the whole team with your bitching?”

Kuroo was sure that any normal person would have suffocated from saying that amount of words without drawing their breath once. But alright, it was on.

“Damn right, you don't want to know what's up with me and you have no right to and also, excuse me for being human and having a shitty day once in a lifetime!”

“I never mentioned that it's not okay to have a shitty day but to shatter your teammate's morale in the process...,” Oh, the thing with Lev, that's probably the reason why he sat the match out. “... and acting like an total ass in general is not only an unacceptable behavior for the team's captain but also very unlike you, so could you please stop it now?!”

That hit pretty close to home and Kuroo knew Yaku was anything but wrong but the knot in his chest was scorching hot, so hot it nearly hurt and he had to do something to get it out of his chest. So he yelled.

“Don't you dare tell me what I can and can't do.”

He got so close to Yaku's face he could feel the warmth radiating from his heated up face. The rest of the team didn't dare to step in, they just stood and watched the predatory battle, waiting anxiously for a victor.

“These are my problems! I have to handle them on my own and you all need to get the fuck off my back!” Kuroo's voice resonated twice as loud through the whole gym.

“WE ARE A TEAM!”

Kuroo nearly startled at the sudden volume in Yaku's voice.

“Try to act like it.”, the shorter brunette added in a much quieter voice.

Kuroo had to keep his cool otherwise he would be the one to lose. And that was not going to happen, neither on the court nor outside of it.

“The team has got nothing to do with it.”, he said through gritted teeth.

“What is your problem, Kuroo, just... just tell me.”

Yaku's anger seemed to subside and for a moment there he looked genuinely frustrated. And that pissed off Kuroo more than anything.

He didn't need their pity. He was a grown up, he could handle his miserable life on his own.

His anger made his words die on his tongue and he hated that he didn't know what to tell Yaku.

What was his problem? His probably unrequited feelings? The way his heart ached when he looked at Kenma for more than ten seconds?

The nightmares he frequently he had where he stood next to an empty hospital bed and woke up crying like a baby?

The knot in his chest burst and scattered in thousand tiny pieces through his whole body. It made his mind numb and his skin prickle at the same time. He was feeling to much and nothing at all and he didn't know what to do about it.

He didn't know where he got the ball from, he probably held it in his hands the whole time, he only knew that he had to throw it. He had to take this unbearable anger out on something. So he threw the ball with all the strength he could muster and he knew it was a stupid and childish act but he just didn't know what else to do at that moment.

He realized, too late, that a pudding haired boy stood exactly in the line of the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohoh, cliffhanger, oho ho hoh. -bokuto laughs in the distance-  
> Im sorry but fret not, my children, I'm pretty much halfway through with the second part, so you don't have to wait for too long.  
> All the lovey-dovey stuff is happening in the hospital, btw, so yeah look forward to that.  
> Alsoooo, I stole the title from MCR's "The Light Behind Your Eyes". What a beautiful, beautiful song. You should totally listen to it while reading the second chapter, for extra unhappy feelings. :D  
> The chapter title is from We Are The Ocean, also a good band and good song.  
> Leave comments if you want, even you want to say bad things, just spit them out if you want, I'm happy about everything I can get. Yes, I'm that pathetic. -tsukki scoffs in the distance-  
> Alrighty, that's it for now, see you on the other side and I love you all. :D


	2. This Is Called My Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That chapter is mostly about Kenma's illness, how his mom copes with it and a lot of Kuroo feels, a lot of bad Kuroo feels. He's really anxious, my poor lil baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'm abso-fucking-lutely flabbergasted at how much kudos, comments and messages I got because of this piece of sh...elves. Thank you all so much, it's beyond amazing to know people actually like what I write and getting their precious hearts crushed by me. I love crushing hearts!
> 
> And would you look at that, I expanded the chapters. Woopidoop.  
> I don't know how many chapters it will be yet but that thing is getting a lot longer than I thought and the ideas just keep coming, noooo- I guess it won't be more than four, rather three and an epilogue thingy, so yeah, look forward to that.  
> Also, I'm not a doctor and my only medical experience is from watching 'Scrubs', so don't give me any 'that's not correct, because I studied that shit'- stuff and we good. Good.
> 
> Aaaand lastly, forget that I said everything is pretty much the same because Ukai is a doctor now and Akaashi a bodyguard, why the heck not. And I was kinda weird about Kenma's mom because she doesn't have an official name and calling her Mrs. Kozume sounded strange to me?? So I stuck with calling her Kenma's mom and Kozume-san and I'm still weird about it, I'm still weird about everything gaaah.
> 
> I hope you like it and again, see you at the end for some apologies, I guess.

If you have ever watched one of those popular action-movies, then you probably know these typical scenes where the loved one of the protagonist gets killed in front of their eyes and everything is in slow motion to enhance the drama of the scene.

Yeah?

There was no slow motion in Kuroo's case.

Actually, it happened way too fast, like someone pushed the fast forward button on his life and now everything happened twice as fast and when you looked away for a moment you would miss all the important parts.

One moment Kenma just stood there and the next he laid on the ground, wheezing breaths leaving his in pain twisted mouth.

The ball had hit him directly on the chest, of all the places.

The whole team was gathered around him in seconds, only the black haired boy stood rooted to the ground, unable to even move a finger.

Every feeling of heat had left him and instead an overwhelming feeling of emptiness took over his body at the sight of his childhood friend lying there on the ground, clutching his chest, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head and his mouth opening and closing in desperate need for air.

“Kuroo, for god's sake!” There was Yaku's voice again, he yelled an awful lot today.

He screamed at the top of his lungs but none of his words reached Kuroo's numb ears. He tried by watching Yaku's mouth closely to figure out what he was trying to tell him.

Am... bu... lance? Ambulance?

Right, they needed someone to help Kenma. He was probably dying over there. And it was all his...

No, focus. Move. Dammit, move!

And he did, even though his body seemed to move on autopilot. He crossed the gym with a few strides. He doesn't remember how he got his cellphone out and managed to call for an ambulance but apparently he did.

The next thing he remembered is that he's in the ambulance, sitting in a corner, watching strangers put tubes and injections and heck knows what into the body of his best friend.

Why he of all the people was there, he didn't know.

Kuroo just knew that it was his fault, all his goddamn fault.

The stranger's voices mixed to a painful buzz in his head and he tried to blend them out by covering his ears and eyes with his arms. He wanted to blend everything out.

Something nudged his arm and he tried to ignore it but it just wouldn't go away. He tried to make it go away by paying it attention and it seemed to work as he looked into the kind eyes of a stranger and the nudging stopped.

“Hey there, bud. You okay?”

He heard the words but he didn’t seem to remember how to respond to them. His throat was closing up on its own and he was afraid what would come out if he opened his mouth. So he didn't.

The stranger didn't seem to mind because he carried on as if they were having a normal conversation on a sunny afternoon.

“I guess you are the young boy's friend, huh?”

The stranger asked in a calm voice and a small smile on his lips. He was dressed like a paramedic, a breathing mask was dragged down over his chin, he wore rubber gloves and his clothes in general indicated that indeed, the guy must be a doctor.

And he was about to crush Kuroo even more, he could feel it. That's why he hid behind his arms again, trying to block out the guy's next words.

“Are you two related?” Kuroo curtly shook his head.

He just wanted the guy to go and help Kenma instead of wasting his time with stupid questions on Kuroo.

“But you know his name, right?” This time Kuroo gave a short nod.

“Good, because we need at least a name since your friend doesn't seem to have an ID on him.”

Kuroo heard the clothes of the guy rustle and then the sound of someone clicking a ball-point pen on.

“Can you tell me the name of your friend, please?”

Talking, how did that work again? Kuroo really didn't seem to remember and he really didn't want to.

All he wanted to do was sleep. Sleep and forget about this day that will always be remembered as the worst day in the life of Kuroo Tetsurou.

“Look, I know how you feel.”

Kuroo felt like snorting into the guy's face. A stranger surely didn't know how he felt when not even he knew how he felt.

“But I really need you to help me out here, otherwise we can't help your friend.”

That caused the gears in Kuroo's head to start working again.

Instead of hiding behind his arms he used them to hug himself, to hold himself together, as he said in a voice that lacked any emotions: “Kozume Kenma,16 years old, about 170 centimeters tall, weight around...”

He could have gone on and on like this if it weren't for the paramedic who stopped him with a raised finger.

“Name's enough for now, thanks.”

A small smile stretched the guy's lips that were surrounded by a slight stubble. Kuroo wondered how the guy could muster a smile when Kenma laid right behind him, probably dying because of Kuroo's stupidity.

“Thanks, bud, that helps a lot.”

After he wrote Kenma's name down the paramedic guy stood up straight again.

Kuroo fixed his gaze on the spotless floor of the ambulance, again traying to block everything out until they arrived at their destination, which would probably a hospital.

A small cough caught his attention, though. He could instantly tell that it came from Kenma and that's when, by accident, his gaze fell on the stretcher for the first time.

And in the exact same moment it seemed like Kuroo finally woke up and all his senses came crashing down all at once.

The chemical smell of disinfectant burned in his nostrils and he heard every single beep of the machines helping Kenma to breathe like they were right in his head. Kuroo's eyes watered from how bad his head hurt and he started to feel seriously sick. He had to get out of there as fast as possible.

“We arrived at the hospital.”

A heavy hand came down on Kuroo's left shoulder and he looked up into the paramedic's face, it was a different one this time, this one looked younger but twice as tired as the former one.

“You look like you need some fresh air.”

There was no concern on the face or in the voice of the guy but Kuroo still answered with a curt nod while his breath came in quick gasps.

He felt like he was underwater, the surface too far gone while he was desperately gasping for air where no air was.

He needed to get out of there or he was sure that the content of his stomach, even though it wasn't much, would soon end up on the floor of the ambulance.

He was the first to storm for the door when it was opened and barely reached a trash can next to a bench before he threw up into it.

He retched a few times without any liquid leaving his body before his stomach decided to calm down. His cheeks were wet from spilled tears and Kuroo's throat burned as he straightened up.

He was glad when the older paramedic came over and handed him a tissue with a comforting smile. He used it to wipe his mouth before throwing it into the trash can where it could live a happy life with his stomach's content.

“You alright?”, the older guy asked and Kuroo felt his heavy hand on his shoulder again.

He didn't look up when he answered with a nod, he felt utterly ashamed.

He didn't know why he had reacted the way he did, he guessed it was all the stress of the way coming down on him. On top of that, he still didn't know if Kenma would be alright.

The older paramedic guy could probably feel his discomfort and said in a reassuring voice: “Don't beat yourself up too much, bud.” Kuroo looked up and into his smiling face and he was somehow reminded of his father.

He felt a tad bit better when he turned his head away and nodded at the trash can.

“Look, we are going to bring your friend into the MRI, how about you go to the waiting are and maybe try to contact his parents?”

Kuroo gave another curt nod and turned around without looking back. His whole body felt weak and shaky, sitting down seemed like a good idea.

On shaky legs the raven haired boy aimed for the entrance doors of the hospital.

-

He stepped through the sliding doors and was instantly blinded by overwhelming whiteness.

He had only been to a hospital once in his life, because of a broken ankle, and he didn't remember that they were so unbearably white.

It stung in his eyes, but Kuroo tried to move onward without looking like a drunken fool.

Right after he walked past the entrance area, and the nurses throwing him doubting glances, the black haired boy came into something that looked like a waiting area.

There were four rows of, very white, seats. On the left and right, also white, wall two of them and in the middle of the row the other two. There was a potted plant in one corner of the area, serving as the only splodge of color in the whole building probably.

Kuroo decided to sit down in one of the seats on the right wall so he could watch the entrance and see if something Kenma related happened. You never know.

He still wasn't sure what exactly was going on with Kenma and he wanted to know so badly, but that fact that he was still unconscious in the ambulance and how much tubes he had seen sticking out of his frail body couldn't mean anything good.

He wanted to know but at the same time he really didn't.

Kuroo exhaled a shaky breath. He searched for his phone in the pockets of his training pants and found it in his right. It seemed that he had put it there after calling the ambulance and he really wished he didn't. Now it was on him to tell Kenma's parents that an act of childish stupidity had brought their son into the hospital.

And that it was his own stupidity on top of that.

He bid the possibility to ever see Kenma again goodbye as he searched with shaking fingers in his contacts for their number. Kuroo decided to stand up and search for a spot with less people around.

He round one of the corners of the hallway across from the waiting area and stopped when he was sure that no one was around to listen to him talking and possibly having a mental breakdown in public.

The black haired boy ran his trembling fingers through his messy bedhead in jerky movements as he waited for one of Kenma's parents to pick up. His heartbeat was going crazy but as he heard a female voice on the other end it seemed to stop all at once.

“Yes, hello?”

Kuroo felt like a big lump in his throat prevented him from talking. His heart rate picked up twice as fast as before and he felt like throwing up all over again. He opened his mouth but nothing would come out.

“Hello?” The female voice of Kenma's mother sounded confused and Kuroo looked at the white floor under his feet like some helping advice would appear from the ground any given moment.

“Kuroo-kun, isn't it?”

The black haired boy looked up in surprise. How did she...?

Ah right, the display must have shown his name along with his number. Kuroo wasn't sure if karma decided to play against him or in his favor. He sighed deeply.

“Kuroo-kun, what's the matter? Is everything alright?”

The voice on the other end sounded honestly worried and it crushed Kuroo's heart.

He had to do it. For her and his own sake. So he talked.

-

Kenma's mother took the news … he wouldn't call it well, but Kuroo had expected a lot more crying and hysterical shouting.

Instead she talked to him in a voice that sounded a lot like Kenma's at that point, stripped off any emotion, and told him that she was on the way to the hospital.

Kuroo wasn't sure if she just hid her true emotions really well or if she just hadn't come to terms with the news yet.

He guessed it was probably a little of both of it and he was truly afraid of the moment when her true feelings would show. And he really hoped he wouldn't be around for that because he couldn't handle crying women at all. Hell, he couldn't handle anyone crying.

His legs felt like jelly when he walked back to the waiting area and slumped down into one of the chairs with a heavy sigh.

The raven haired boy still held his phone in his right hand and decided to look for any missed calls or messages.

He had three missed calls from Inuoka, two from Hinata Shouyo and would you look at that, one from Yaku.

The fight they had came back to his mind and even though neither of them emerged victorious from it, he didn't feel angry anymore.

He was probably just too occupied with other emotions to feel anger at that moment, but Kuroo didn't feel like he was angry at Yaku at all. He guessed that he was mostly angry at himself and Yaku was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He had to properly apologize to him the next time he saw the short brunette.

Kuroo also had two messages from Yamamoto that only said: 'Dood, u arite?' and 'Ttm asap'.

Kuroo wasn't that much of a grammar Nazi but his brain died a little every time he had to read one of his messages. Still, he was a good guy and probably seriously worried, so Kuroo answered him with a quick 'I'm okay. Don't know about Kenma yet.' and hit the send button.

He received a reply in form of a simple 'K' minutes later. Kuroo decided it would be rude to tap away at his phone when Kenma's mother arrived and put it away.

He let his gaze wander around the waiting are and saw that a couple of seats beside his own were occupied. On the opposite row of seats sat a young woman, maybe in her early twenties, who looked unnaturally pale and her frightened gaze was fixed on the white floor, he thought that he could even see her tremble.

Honestly, she looked like Kuroo felt.

He nearly wanted to go over to her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, that everything would work out somehow, but that would have been an utter lie.

He didn't know if everything would be okay ever again.

Kuroo tore his gaze from her frightened figure and when his gaze wandered to the direction of the main entrance he saw a woman walking at a brisk pace into his direction.

Kuroo almost didn't recognize her at first glance, her black locks were pulled back into a tight bun and a few strands of hair waved loosely in the air, which made her look more exhausted than she probably was. That also was the first and last time Kuroo saw her without makeup on and it made her look that much older.

As tired as she looked, it was definitely Kenma's mom.

Kuroo was fast to stand up and his heart rate picked up along with the action. He was nervous, scared even, of what her reaction would be when she stood in front of the reason why her son was in a hospital. He guessed that he wouldn't get any best-friend-since-childhood-bonus.

The woman's features seemed to harden when she caught sight of the black haired boy standing awkwardly a few feet away from her.

Kuroo thought that he was prepared for everything but he wasn't prepared for the moment Kenma's mom picked up her pace and nearly ran towards him. She was furious, to say the least.

Kuroo remembered the moment he brought Kenma home right after they had met for the first time, blood dripping out of his nose because he wasn't fast enough to react when Kuroo threw the ball at him for the hundredth time. He apologized and bowed for he didn't know how long but the cold glare of her eyes kept on boring holes into his head and he could literally feel all the murderous intentions that were going through her head.

That was a piece of cake compared to what stormed toward Kuroo's direction now. She wasn't just angry, she clearly had murder on her mind and Kuroo seriously contemplated to run for his life.

He didn't, maybe because he froze in fear or because he simply surrendered without even trying, he couldn't really tell.

She came to a halt in front of him, nostrils flared, her eyes dark with anger and Kuroo couldn't help but duck at the sight, survival instinct taking over.

"You, how dare you..." Her voice came through gritted teeth, furious anger causing her voice to slightly tremble.

She held her hand up high above her head, ready to slap the life out of Kuroo and shit, he wanted her to.

He needed something to wake him up, he needed something to tell him that it was true, that yes, he was the reason that his childhood friend was in the hospital and probably in endless pain.

He needed someone to tell him what an unbelievable idiot he was and that they hated him, even though he doubted that all the hate of the world could compare to how much he hated himself.

Kuroo braced himself and waited. And waited.

But nothing happened.

When he heard someone sob the black haired boy cracked one eye open. Then he opened the other one cautiously and was surprised to see that Kenma's mother was gone.

But as he heard another sob he realized that she wasn't gone but instead crouched in front of Kuroo's feet, her face hidden by her hands and shoulders shaking from choked sobs escaping her frail body.

And Kuroo started to panic.

He didn't know what to do. Hug her? Pat her head? Talk to her?

He couldn't handle people crying, he never knew what to do or say to them because he knew from his own experience that it didn't matter, nothing would make it better.

He remembered the nights he laid in his bed, curled up in at least three blankets and crying his very soul out because he got his heart broken again, by some girl he never really loved.

And then there was Kenma, rubbing soothing circles on the blankets in hopes that Kuroo would feel them.  
And he did, he felt them soothing his heart and lulling his mind to sleep.

He never spoke and he never had to, everything about Kenma somehow calmed Kuroo's heart.

With that on his mind Kuroo crouched down next to Kenma's mom and put a hand on her back, starting to rub circles in her back and hoping that she could feel how sorry he was in the same way he always felt at ease when Kenma tried to comfort him.  
Her sobs died down eventually and she only sniffed into her hands.

Without raising her head she said in a muffled and broken voice: “What are we gonna do, Kuroo-kun?”

Kuroo flinched at the hopelessness and unspoken 'What if's in her voice.

He wanted to say something. Something to bring her hope back, to make her smile and tell him that he was right, that there was hope.

He didn't say anything.

A few moments spent in silence later Kenma's mother stood up, holding onto Kuroo's arm for support. Her cheeks were still wet with spilled tears and strands of her hair were glued to them like dark rivers crossing her skin.

She had never looked so old in Kuroo's eyes and it made his heart cringe.

“Let's... let's wait for the doctor.”

She patted Kuroo's arm before she let go and slumped down on one of the chairs in the waiting area. He still wanted to say something to reassure her but after fidgeting clueless in silence for another minute he gave up and sat down beside her.

They sat together in silence for about ten minutes until heavy footsteps approached.

Kuroo and Kozume-san looked up in unison as they saw a man who looked like a doctor walking in their direction.

The guy looked like he was in his early thirties and was looking at a clipboard in his hands while he walked. His white coat waved behind him and he totally looked like one of these doctors from the series Kuroo's mom used to watch.

His unruly blond hair was held back with a headband, he had a slight stubble on his chin and he shot them a wide grin, that probably broke a few hearts already, when he met their eyes.

“You must be Kenma's mom, right? " Kozume-san gave a small nod as an answer, not meeting the doctor's eyes.

“Yeah, he's got your eyes.”

The grin widened and Kuroo decided that he didn't like the guy before the doctor's eyes fell on him.

“And you are his friend, right?” Kuroo gave a tight nod.

“Alright, and I'm Dr. Ukai, but Ukai's more than enough.”

He shook both of their hands with an everlasting grin before he spoke again.

“How about I take you to Kenma's room and we talk there?”

Both of them nodded eagerly in unison before the blonde doctor showed the way. Kenma's mom hurried to the doctor's side and started to bombard him with questions while Kuroo trailed behind.

Dr. Ukai chuckled at her enthusiasm and said: “I'm gonna answer all of these questions when we arrive at little Kenma's room, alright?”

He leaned in closer to her and Kuroo could barely hear him whisper: “People try to spy and talk nonsense around here pretty often.” He was met with two confused stares but kept on walking with a grin on his face.

They arrived at room 114, there was no name plate next to the door yet and Kuroo hoped that it meant that Kenma wasn't here to stay.

When they stepped into the room the air was filled with beeps and mechanical sounds Kuroo couldn't instantly relate to but they made his throat close up and cold sweat break out all over his body.

He would've turned around instantly if it wouldn't have been for the boy lying on the bedside next to the window.

There were three other beds in the room but they were unoccupied from what Kuroo could tell when his gaze wandered around for a second.

Dr. Ukai came to a halt next to Kenma's bed and ushered them to step closer. Both Kuroo and Kenma's mom hesitated at the door, both unsure if they wouldn't hurt Kenma if they let him breath the same air as them.

Kuroo tried to swallow down the lump in his throat and took a few steps forward. He stopped a few feet away from the end of the bed but he still had a good look at the boy lying on top of it.

God, he looked so small.

Kenma always seemed to grow when he stepped on a court, inside and outside his figure seemed to swell with pride and excitement.

But lying on this bed, he looked like a mere child.

Like the bed swallowed half of his body, like all these tubes were trying to bury him under themselves.

Kuroo wanted to pull him up into his arms so badly. He wanted to take him away, far far away from all of this.

But he couldn't and it was all his damn fault.

An oxygen mask covered half his face but Kuroo could still see enough of it that he noticed how pale he looked, his skin was almost ash-colored. The bags under his eyes were a bright purple and his hair looked like a grayer version of the golden locks Kuroo had seen waving in the wind earlier that day. It felt like it was weeks ago instead of hours.

He looked sick and that made Kuroo feel sick.

The raven haired boy startled out of his observation when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Dr. Ukai looked at him in a reassuring way, his grin turning in a smile, before he retreated his hand and took a look at Kenma's mother who was leaning slightly above her son, a worried look on her pale face.

“Alright.” Dr. Ukai spoke up. “Like I promised, I'm going to answer all your questions now, but first off...”

He shot a glance to Kenma's mom who didn't notice it because she had only eyes for the boy lying on the bed.

“Kozume-san, that may sound weird to you.” She looked up at him with a puzzled expression.

“But you should thank Kenma's friend here for throwing that ball at him.”

Her brows knitted in confusion the same time Kuroo turned his head around with wide eyes and both wondered if they had heard that right.

He chuckled and scratched the stubble on his right cheek.

“Hahah yeah, that did sound weird.”

Dr. Ukai put the clipboard in the attachment at the end of Kenma's bed and stood up straight, glancing at Kuroo first, then at Kenma's mother.

“Let me explain.”

His grin disappeared and instead his expression turned serious, causing to let him look like a doctor who actually took his job seriously.

“I guess the both of you are not familiar with pulmonary embolism, or short PE?” The ones addressed both shook their heads.

“It's an terminal illness that affects the lungs and well, Kenma was diagnosed with it.”

-

This time it actually happened like in the movies. The world around Kuroo stood still.

Everything was perfectly silent, no beeping, no doctor talking, only the ringing in his ears.

Kenma was ill. Terminally ill.

Kenma would die. Probably soon.

Kuroo felt like his heart was too big for his chest suddenly. It felt like it wanted to crawl its way out through his ribs and ripped his lungs to shreds in the process, it hurt. It hurt so much. Kuroo's world was one of pain and nothing else.

“Oh heck, I think he has a panic attack.”

Kuroo heard the words but his body couldn't respond to them. He didn't even know if he still had a body, because he didn't feel anything.

He didn't feel how his breath left his body, he didn't feel his heart race in his chest anymore, there was nothing. Nothing but that unbearable ringing in his ears.

“Buddy, hey, stay with me, alright?”

Kuroo saw how someone snapped their fingers in front of his face, but he saw it like someone else, like a mere spectator.

“Uh sit down, here. Good.”

Apparently he had sit down on one of the empty beds, it felt as if his mind was miles away from his body and the sensation of the bed under him felt like he was deep deep underwater.

“Wow I'm really bad at explaining, Takeda-san was totally right, ugh.”

Someone mumbled next to Kuroo's numb ears.

“Okay, please stop freaking out, I wasn't done.” Kuroo blinked once as an answer.

“I said terminally, but that doesn't imply that your friend will die in two weeks. In fact, he might live another fifty years, and maybe more.”

The doctor stood up straight, still casting worried glances at the pale boy in front of him.

It was only normal to react heavily upon hearing that a close one was terminally ill but Dr. Ukai hadn't expected that the boy with the messy bedhead would have a goddamn panic attack about it.

He didn't know how close the two boys were but he had clearly underestimated it. Judging people by their appearance was never one of Ukai's strong points since he only had to find out what was wrong with them on the inside.

When the raven haired boy seemed to come back to his senses, after a few gulps of water and reassuring pats, Ukai felt like he could carry on with his explanation.

“I'm really sorry about that, but like I said, I wasn't done explaining.”

The doctor cast a glance at the mother of the patient, who had crouched down next to her son's bed, unshed tears glistening in her big eyes and any color drained from her face.

“When Kenma was in the ambulance he didn't breath well and was soon unconscious due to lack of oxygen.”

Dr. Ukai began to explain the incident like he had heard it happening from his colleagues.

“When he was brought into the MRI we x-rayed his lungs first to find out why little Kenma couldn't breath right and...”

He stepped back to pull a x-ray image out of the clipboard he had held in his hand earlier. Dr. Ukai held the image against the glass of the window, so they could see the transparent parts on the otherwise black image properly. He pulled a pen out of the pocket of his white coat and pointed at something on the picture.

“... found this.”

Two rather confused looking pairs of eyes followed his every moment as the doctor turned around with an excited expression on his face, his grin reappearing once again like he just found money between his sofa cushions.

He continued to explain in a light voice.

“You see, these are the veins in little Kenma's lungs and this small guy here...”

He circled his pen around a small lump in the middle of something that seemed to be a vein in Kenma's lung.

“... is a thrombosis.”

Kenma's mother put a hand in front of her mouth, hiding her horrified expression. Kuroo doubted that she knew what the doctor was talking about, he didn't at least, but he understood her reaction completely.

Everything that came out of the doctor's mouth sounded like a death sentence to Kuroo's ears and the fact that his grin didn't leave his lips the entire time made the whole thing even scarier. And the the urge to punch him in the face that much stronger.

“And even though we thought that the blow of the ball caused the thrombosis we found first, it wasn't, that one has been there for a while now, but it's rather tiny so no need to worry.”

Dr. Ukai put the x-ray image back to where it belonged with a smile on his lips that looked like unicorns and rainbows, like everything was alright when it clearly wasn't.

“What it did cause though, was for other thromboses to wander from his legs into his lung arteries.”

He looked almost apologizing into Kozume-san's face, as if he was the culprit who threw the ball.

Kuroo's stomach churned and he turned his gaze away from them, studying the water bottle in his hands with knitted eyebrows.

“His legs?” The voice of Kenma's mom was really quiet but the horror in her voice was heard by everyone in the room. Except for Kenma, of course.

Dr. Ukai nodded knowingly.

“Ah yeah, you see, thromboses usually start out somewhere in the lower half of the body, like in the main arteries of the legs or in the pelvic area.”

He pointed at the mentioned areas on Kenma's unconscious body.

“Did Kenma ever complain about pain in his legs or something?”, the blonde doctor asked with serious interest in his voice while he looked at Kenma's mother for an answer.

That's when Kuroo spoke up for the first time he had entered the room. He still felt shaky and all he wanted to do was curl up on the unoccupied bed and sleep for at least ten years, but he managed to talk in a quiet but unwavering voice.

“Uh actually yeah, after practice sometimes, but he never mentioned it that much, so I didn't worry too much about it.” He kept on looking at the water bottle while he talked.

“Oh, so you can actually talk.”, Ukai said in a quite voice, probably hoping to be overheard, and Kuroo looked up to glare at him coldly.

The doctor ignored his stare, putting a hand on his hips and the other one on top of the bed frame of Kenma's bed as he carried on with his explanation.

“You are not the first one though, thromboses usually go unnoticed and so does PE, because it doesn't really have symptoms except for breathlessness and some pain around the chest area, no big deal for most of the people.”

He let his gaze wander from Kuroo's eyes to Kenma's mother and back, his grin nearly gone when he said: “Until it's one thrombosis too much and you suffocate in your own bed.”

He said it with such carelessness that Kenma's mom groaned and put her face in her hands again, surely to hide the tears, and Kuroo wanted to punch the doctor in the face. Again.

He wondered how someone could be as tactless as that guy and succeed in being a doctor at the same time.

The doctor put his hands up in defense.

“Oh sorry sorry, of course we won't let that happen to lil' Kenma here, since we already found out about his illness, we can do something about it before it gets real bad.”

He ashamedly scratched his right cheek while throwing another apologizing look at Kenma's mom.

He then pointed a finger at Kuroo and said with the biggest grin he had yet seen on the doctor's face: “No more throwing balls at him, though, alright?” Kuroo actually lunged at him.

If Kenma's mom hadn't called him back he would've punched the ever-loving crap out of his stupid grinning face. His anger masked only how hurt he felt underneath but Kuroo didn't let it show through.

Both of them looked up when the tired voice of Kenma's mother interrupted their little stare-off and asked facing the blonde doctor: “And is he... okay for now?”

Dr. Ukai smiled at her reassuringly and nodded.

“Pretty much, he's filled to the brim with painkillers and sedatives and we injected him something to prevent the thromboses from growing, but he should wake up in a few hours.”

Kenma's mother seemed to be relieved at that, her stiff shoulders slumping a little.

Kuroo also felt relief flooding his unsettled nerves, but he couldn't really feel at ease until Kenma opened his eyes. Until he could get lost in those amber depths and talk to him like he did just a few hours ago. Carelessly and like everything was going to be okay.

The doctor stretched with a low groan until turning to Kenma's mother again, a smile on his face.

“Alright, I would like to discuss steps of the therapy privately with you, Kozume-san, and I also still need some information about you an your son. How about we continue this conversation in my office?”

Kenma's mom looked reluctantly at the unmoving face of her son, probably unsure if she could and wanted to leave him all by himself.

“Can I wait here?”

Kuroo had said it out loud before he stopped thinking about it but he really didn't want to leave Kenma yet.

He turned his head to look at Kenma's mom, who still crouched next to her son's bed, her hands gripping at the bed frame for support.

“If that's alright with you, of course, Kozume-san.”

He bowed his head, inwardly hoping that her answer wouldn't be throwing him out of this room to never let him see Kenma ever again.

The black haired woman slowly stood up, straightened her skirt and looked with tired eyes at her son, watching his chest rise and fall in silence.

She stood there for awhile, just watching Kenma in utter silence, until she gave a small nod.

“I... I think it's a good idea.” She turned her head to meet Kuroo's eyes. “Stay with him.”

The way she said it struck something deep inside his heart and made his pulse race, he gave a curt nod before fixing his gaze on the floor. He suddenly felt like they promised something only they knew of and Kuroo was so entirely grateful that she still had enough trust in him to do so.

After years and years spent at the Kozume household Kenma's parents had become something that resembled his own parents a lot and he would feel terrible about falling into disgrace with them. Even though they had every right to.

After he was sure the surprisingly intense exchange between the two others had ended Dr. Ukai cleared his throat to aim the attention at himself again.

“But visiting hours end at 6 pm, don't ask me why, but you gotta be out of here before it hits 6. Akaashi-san, our main bodyguard is a really scary guy.” He gave Kuroo a blinding grin and then nodded to Kenma's mom.

“Shall we?” She nodded hesitatingly and walked after the doctor without another glance at Kuroo.

The door closed behind them and he was finally alone. Kuroo didn't realize how much he needed to be alone until he finally was. The constant looks and stares of friends or strangers had exhausted him.

He was a weak man and didn't want to cry in front of anyone he knew or didn't know and holding back emotions was just utterly exhausting.

The raven haired boy took one step forward, closer to his friend who looked like he was simply asleep if it weren't for the oxygen mask covering his mouth and nose and several tubes that stuck out of his arms.

There were weird wires coming from under Kenma's shirt and the machines surrounding him made Kuroo's head hurt with all their high pitched noises and displays full of numbers and signs that made no sense to him.

It all looked so wrong.

Kuroo noticed that Kenma wore one of his shirts. Actually, he gave it to him several years ago after Kenma constantly abused it as a sleeping shirt when he was staying over at Kuroo's. It was a pretty rad shirt, it was red and had a tiger on it and Kuroo had said that it reminded him of Kenma after he told him to keep it.

He actually thought that Kenma was more like a kitten but didn't tell him that when he saw the faint blush on Kenma's cheeks as he muttered a thanks.

And now here he was. A small kitten buried under something that was way too big for it.

Kuroo had always believed that he would see his kitten grow up into a tiger.

What if he wouldn't?

What if he lost the boy that was constantly with him, barely speaking, but always a warm presence at his side?

Kenma had been with him through his highs and lows, he had always been there to welcome him at times when he felt the most unwelcome.

Kuroo always knew that there would be someone he could return to. That there was a home that wasn't the four walls he lived in.

Kenma was his backbone, the blood pumping through his heart, if he wasn't in his eyesight he was constantly on his mind.

He was the first person he ever truly fell in love with.

With his head and his soul, with everything he had and all at once.

He hadn't planned to, it just happened. One day he noticed that he looked at Kenma differently than at other people and it was years before Yaku told him so.

And just like that Kuroo Tetsurou was in love with his best friend.

So madly and hopelessly in love that he wondered why his heart hadn't just stopped beating from all the aching he felt sometimes when he looked at Kenma.

And he knew, just knew, that it would always be the two of them against the world but when it came down to it, it was only one against their own feelings.

Removing Kenma from his life would be like ripping his beating heart right out of his chest.

He wouldn't survive it.

Kuroo leaned over the small body on that bed that was way too big for him.

He brushed one of Kenma's golden locks from his forehead, his fingers barely ghosting over pale skin.

With the thought of a promise only made in his head he brushed his lips against the skin of his forehead, inwardly flinching at how cold it felt.

If Kenma wanted to or not he would always be there until the very end.

Kuroo looked at the sleeping face of his best friend, his heart aching with the wish for more.

He wanted to brush the lips that lied below the oxygen mask with his own, wanted to touch the skin that was covered with spiderwebs of tubes and cables.

He wanted to be the reason when those pale cheeks bloomed in embarrassment. He wanted to make his amber eyes glisten with joy and happiness. He wanted to be everything and more for Kenma.

And it frightened him like nothing else that he didn't know how much days he would have left to show him.

Sure, there was hope, the doctor had said so.

But the moment Kuroo had stepped one foot into the room images of an empty hospital bed flashed before his eyes.

His nightmares came back to his mind, the ones where he stood in front of an empty bed and didn't know who it belonged to, he just knew that he had lost something important to him and always woke up feeling like his body was nothing but an empty shell.

It was truly terrifying, waking up in a dark room, with fresh tears on his cheeks, not knowing what he was afraid of.

And as he stood there, next to the bedside of his best friend, he was scared breathless that he had found the reason.

And again, he cried.

Just a few stray tears at first, he didn't even really notice them.

But when he felt the hot pull behind his eyes, felt his throat closing up and realized that there was no one else to judge him, Kuroo cried so hard he felt like his lungs should spill out of his mouth any moment.

He cried so hard his chest hurt, but this time it was a good hurt. It felt like the tears spilling from his eyes took something with them, something that had been in his body and mind since that ball hit Kenma on the chest.

It was anger, despair and regret, it was everything bad.

The tears didn't manage to take everything with them, there was still too much doubt left that hindered him to let go of any negative emotion, but he felt so much lighter the instant he started crying.

He crouched down next to Kenma's bed, like his mother had moments ago, searching for something to hold onto. When he found Kenma's bony fingers in his desperate search he squeezed them carefully, praying to everything that would hear him out that he would wake up and smile at him.

He didn't even have to smile, it was enough if he just woke up and... was. If he stayed by Kuroo's side.

And as the raven haired boy sat there, crying into his arm and holding onto his best friend's hand like a lifeline he repeated three words over and over again.

“Don't leave me. Don't leave me, please, don't leave me...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh... sorry?  
> But it's getting better, in every sense, I promise!  
> I've got a lot of holiday stuff planned for the next chapter and Bokuto, my precious owl, is gonna show up and some KageHina, so it's not gonna be as angsty anymore. -sweats nervously-  
> The title is from We Are The Ocean again, wonderful song.  
> And again, tell me about any mistakes or things that bother you, I'm really unsure about some parts and yeah uh...  
> I love you guys!


	3. If Life Ain't Just A Joke Then Why Are We Laughing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some happy times before the not so happy times to come.  
> Also, KageHina and Bokuto!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I present to you chapter 3 featuring KageHina, a maybe nearly almost kiss, Halloween, feels and Bokuto! Also not the last chapter! Yay!
> 
> Not much else to say really, heh.  
> Except for that the next chapter is really, really going to be the last one. Really.
> 
> As always, I hope you like it and I hope you have fun reading this, I had so much fun writing it at least. :D

Kenma woke up in the middle of the night without knowing where he was and what had happened.

Kuroo was long gone and the blonde boy opened his eyes to an empty and pitch black room with unfamiliar sounds surrounding him and pain in every part of his body.

His first instinct was to call for his parents but his throat was as dry as a desert and there was something on his face that prevented him from opening his mouth properly, thus he only succeeded in opening and closing his lips uselessly.

Kenma started to panic and with his heart rate rapidly picking up the beeping sounds surrounding him became louder and faster with every second.

He was on the verge of tearing up when a door opened and the lights in his room were turned on.

Footsteps approached him in a fast pace and Kenma turned his head to see who had entered the room he was lying in.

A woman clad in all white clothes walked toward him with a small and friendly smile on her face, her raven locks waving behind her as she walked.

“Welcome back to the world of the living, Kenma-kun.”

Her voice sounded tired, but had a warm tone to it.

Kenma wondered why this unknown person knew his name until he put one and one together and concluded that he must be at a hospital.

He didn't remember why though and opened his mouth to ask but the words came out all scratchy and incomprehensible and simply the attempt to talk seemed to crush his lungs under an invisible weight.

He choked and coughed and the nurse hurried to his bedside.

“Poor sweetheart, you must be in pain, huh?”

Chocolate brown and worried eyes scanned Kenma's face, that became more and more red with every cough, and he managed to nod to tell her yes, he was in a hell of a lot pain.

He sent a prayer to the heavens when she nodded in understanding and fumbled for something in one pocket of her white pants.

“I'm gonna inject you something against the pain, that alright with you, sweetheart?”

Kenma would've scrunched up his face in disgust at the cheesy pet name, but his lungs felt like they were replaced by a lump of scorching hot coal and if that woman had something magical in her pocket to make that feeling disappear, then she could call him all the weird names she wanted as long as she gave it to him.

He didn't tell her that, of course, and instead answered with another nod.

He barely felt the needle entering his arm, but what he felt was the injection working its magic and the relief as the pain subsided and Kenma sighed in bliss as he stopped coughing and his breathing returned to something resembling normal.

The nurse spoke up again as she put the syringe away.

“You should feel better in a few and also really sleepy. But I'm gonna send Dr. Ukai over here so he can explain everything. Try to stay awake for a little bit longer, sweetie.”

Kenma didn't remember closing his eyes but when he felt cool fingers against his forehead he snapped them open and looked at the nurse watching him with worried eyes.

He did feel like falling asleep again, but he was also curious why he was here in the first place, judging from all the machines he was hooked to it couldn't be anything good.

The blonde boy nodded at the nurse to let her know that he would try to stay awake and was met with another warm smile that had the tiniest hint of pity in it.

She patted his cheek before she turned around and left the room.

-

Kenma didn't have to wait long before the door opened again and a blonde doctor entered the room.

He thought that he was kinda handsome, with his blonde hair pulled back by a hairband and the slight stubble on his face, and figured that probably at least every female nurse in the hospital had a crush on him.

His lips stretched into a small smile as he laid eyes on Kenma and said in a cheery voice: “Good to see you awake, little one.”

What was it with hospital personal and cheesy nicknames?

Kenma decided to let it slip since he didn't trust his voice anyway and it probably wasn't a good idea to get in his doctor's bad books, so he only nodded to reply to his greeting.

The blonde doctor stepped closer to Kenma's bed and grinned down at him.

“You probably don't remember what happened?”

Kenma shook his head and wondered why the doctor's grin didn't subside. As far as he knew a stay at a hospital and especially being hooked up to that many machines wasn't a reason to grin about.

Maybe he was that type of person who lived on the bright side of life constantly and greeted every morning with a smile and a Disney song. Kenma hated that kind of people, mainly because he was the exact opposite and didn't understand them. If he could decide he would live his entire life in the safety of his bed.

“I'm your doctor by the way, call me Ukai. I hate formalities.”

The grin on the blonde's lips widened and Kenma acknowledged him with another nod.

“Alright, good or bad news first?”

Ukai stepped at the end of Kenma's bed and took a clipboard from somewhere he couldn't see.

Ugh, he hated that kind of questions. He always struggled with them when he was playing dating sims, but when you played games you had the fortune of quick saving and going back to the choice if you picked the wrong path, no such luck in real life.

Kenma hated real life.

He decided to deal with it like removing a band-aid, get the worst part over as quick as possible.

“Bad.”, he croaked out and Dr. Ukai nodded in affirmation.

“We got a brave one here.”

His grin had nearly disappeared when he pulled the x-ray picture of Kenma's lungs out again.

He took a small breath and let it out again before beginning his explanation.

It always varied how patients took the news of their own illness and Ukai has never been one to judge people by their looks, so he never knew what reaction to expect. Well, if shit hit the fan he could always call for their loyal security guard Akaashi who could take on pretty much everything, despite his rather small figure. Even patients throwing chairs at Ukai.

Yes, chairs.

-

After he had finished explaining the extent and meaning of Kenma's illness Ukai stayed silent for a moment to let the news sink in.

He didn't expect the boy to throw chairs at him but he had expected some kind of change in Kenma's facial expression.

A frown, indicating confusion, or maybe a few tears, something that indicated that he had at least acknowledged the news that he was terminally ill.

But there was nothing.

Literally nothing, Kenma's expression didn't change one bit during the whole explanation and Ukai started to worry that he broke him.

He leaned over the bed frame to get a closer look at Kenma's face.

“You alright?”

The blonde boy continued to stare right through Ukai as if he wasn't even there until he blinked once and nodded.

Ukai wasn't too convinced but he guessed that the boy was probably just sleepy from the medication.

He started to talk again, the smile returning to his lips.

“Now for the good news. Since we found out pretty much instantly about the newest thromboses, we can do something about them and prevent them from growing.”

Kenma looked up at that and his face seemed a little less pale. Ukai nodded in approval.

“You won't get rid of them for good and you'll probably have to take pills till the end of your life.”

Kenma let his head hang low again and Ukai was quick to add: “But you won't die quicker than you have to, not if we can prevent it. And PE has a really high dying rate, so that's something, eh?”

Ukai tried to enhance the good meaning behind the news by widening his grin but his charm did only seem to work on woman since Kenma just shrugged and returned to stare at his fingers.

The blonde doctor sighed and relaxed his facial expression since it was wasted on that boy anyway.

“You should be able to breathe on your own in a few days, but the pain in your lungs will be apparent for a while longer, a side-effect of the medication.”

Ukai put the clipboard back to where it came from and looked up one last time to meet his patient's eyes, but no such luck since Kenma found his fingers still more interesting than him.

“Just push the button if you are in pain and a nurse will appear with some painkillers. No need to be shy.”

Kenma acknowledged him with yet another curt nod and Ukai turned around to leave the room to get back to (watching another episode 'Supernatural') work.

Before he closed the door behind him he turned back one last time.

“Oh yeah, your friend with the weird hair was really worried about you, you should probably let him know that you're awake asap, I think he will be happy to hear.”

That finally got a reaction out of Kenma in the form of his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline and Ukai pumped his fist in the air after closing the door.

-

Despite feeling like falling asleep before the doctor had entered the room Kenma didn't feel like sleeping at all after Dr. Ukai left.

Since he was a kid he had been constantly sick. He had the flu at least once a month and always seemed to run out of stamina faster than the other kids.

He always thought that he was simply born with a weaker immune system than all the others, but that he could be seriously ill had never even crossed his mind.

Just yesterday he had blamed the coughing on another flu and now here he was, lying in a unfamiliar room with a terminal illness slowly destroying his lungs.

Kenma wished that he wouldn't be alone.

He wished for his parents to comfort him or Kuroo to joke about him and make it all seem less real.

But they weren't there, no one was, and he quietly sobbed to himself until he fell asleep.

-

The next day Kenma woke up to the door opening and closing again.

He blinked sleep from his eyes and turned his head to see who entered, he expected it to be another nurse or Dr. Ukai, and saw that it was his mother.

Relief flooded her stressed expression and her stiff shoulder slumped down a little when she saw that her son was awake.

“Oh baby, I was so worried you wouldn't wake up.”

She hurried to her son's bed and hovered her hands above his frail body covered by a blanket, torn between wanting to touch him and scared to hurt him if she did.

Kenma gave an exasperated sigh, but inwardly he was really glad that she was here. He took her hand into his to put her out of her misery and she smiled a tired but really happy smile.

Her other hand found its way to Kenma's blonde locks and she began stroking it carefully.  
“Everything is going to be okay, baby, you are going to be okay.”

She repeated those words like a chant while slowly stroking his until Kenma interrupted her with a tired voice.

“I know, mom.”

He felt like he was lying to her. He didn't believe that everything would ever be okay again.

-

Later that day, when Kenma's mom was long gone and he had played on his beloved 3DS she had brought him for a while, Kuroo visited with their whole team in tow.

Kenma jerked his head up when the door to his room burst open and Yamamto's loud voice filled the nearly empty room.

“Kenmaaaaaaaaaa!”

His voice sounded like he was on the verge of crying and when Kenma caught sight of him he saw that he had indeed tears in his eyes.

He looked like a more hysterical version of his mother when he hurried to his bedside and looked at him with tear-filled eyes.

“I was so worried about you.”, he said in a trembling voice and Kenma only rolled his eyes at his obvious overreaction.

“We all were.”

The blonde boy had to lean forward to look behind momma Yamamoto and see the rest of the team.

They all grinned or smiled at him except for Lev, who looked genuinely worried, not in the overly dramatic way Yamamoto did but really worried.

“I'm fine.”

Kenma's words came out nearly incomprehensible and even though his words were directed at everyone in the room he only looked at Lev. He was glad to see a smile on his lips and Lev nodded thankfully at the blonde.

Then Kenma's eyes wandered to Kuroo and saw that he wasn't smiling but instead his lips were pressed in a tight line and his eyebrows knitted. Of course he was the only one who didn't believe him.

Kuroo was and will always be the only one who could tell when Kenma was lying.

The blonde boy quickly averted his gaze when Kuroo looked up and tried to act distracted by his teammates showering him with gifts.

Everyone sat down somewhere and they talked about how Yamamoto would be an excellent mother, Lev's horrible drawing skills and pretty much everything except volleyball.

Kenma was surrounded by laughter and his friends talking and insulting each other and yet he felt like an outcast. He felt like the unpopular kid with the face covered in pimples and braces covering his teeth that got dragged along with the popular kids only because he was related to one of them.

He felt out of place.  
If it wouldn't have been for Kuroo trying to include Kenma in some of the conversations they wouldn't have exchanged one word with him, not that it was that much different from before.

He noticed that Kuroo was fidgeting with his fingers more than usual and his trademark grin seemed fake, he must have felt Kenma's discomfort and the reason behind it.

Kuroo was the only one that stayed after their team mates bid their goodbyes and Yamamoto ruffled Kenma's hair with tiny tears in his eyes.

The black haired boy sat down in one of the chairs next to Kenma's bed with a sigh. He watched him fidgeting with a gift from the whole team, a volleyball with signatures from every single one of them on it.

“Why haven't you signed it?”

Kenma's voice sounded nonchalant and slightly muffled by the oxygen mask but Kuroo could tell that he was genuinely interested and he answered him with a grin on his face and a shrug of his shoulders.

“I saw no point in signing when I'm with you anyway. Why look at my name when you have the real deal right here?”

The black haired boy pointed at his face and winked at Kenma who looked at him with an indifferent look in his eyes and sighed in return.

Kuroo leaned back in his chair and folded his hands at the back of his head.

“I don't get why they acted so weird around you today, though.”

Kenma hummed in agreement, even though he did. He did know.

They acted like he was already dead.

-

Three days after Kenma woke up Shouyou Hinata came to visit him.

Kuroo realized that he had to share the title of 'Kenma Kozume's best friend forever' with the orange haired boy when they met him at a match approximately one year ago.

The two of them bonded instantly, Kuroo didn't know why exactly because they were as different as night and day, and regarding Kenma's personality that alone was a given. And Hinata had that kind of personality that made everyone instantly like him, so Kuroo didn't mind sharing this once.

Kuroo was already there when the orange haired ball of sunshine burst through the door and both of them groaned inwardly when his grumpy equivalent, which went with the name of Tobio Kageyama, followed him through the door.

They had no personal issues with the black haired boy but after meeting him through Hinata a few times they both agreed that his personality made them uncomfortable. The temperature of every room seemed to rapidly drop whenever he entered it and this time was no exception.

While Hinata bounced to greet his friend, Kageyama came to a halt a few feet away from them and looked rather awkward standing there. Kuroo decided to take pity on him and ushered him closer with a friendly wave and the words: “We won't bite. Maybe.”

Accompanied with his trademark grin the combination would have caused children to run crying to their mother but Kageyama stood unfazed, his frown battling against the intensity of Kuroo's grin in bone-crushing silence. The air between them seemed to spark with tension.

“You two make it hard to breath, stop it.”

Their silent battle was interrupted by Kenma's nonchalant voice and Kuroo turned back to his friend with an innocent expression on his face.

It was Hinata who finally moved Kageyama to step closer by pulling at his coat and after everyone found a place to sit on they began to chat about everything new and old in their lives while they ate the meat buns Hinata had brought with him. Well, three of the four, at least.

Kenma was showing Hinata some new games Kuroo got him when the orange haired boy got flustered all of a sudden and began to stutter.

“Uh … I wanted to tell you something.”, the orange haired boy said while playing with a loose thread on his sleeve and Kuroo wasn't sure if he imagined it, but he thought that his cheeks looked redder than before.

Kenma cocked his head in confusion and Kuroo put his phone away, getting more and more interested in the sudden turn of the conversation. He had never seen Hinata, of all the people, get flustered before and wondered what the cause of this unfamiliar expression was.

“Since you are my best friend I wanted to tell you first and uhh...”

Kuroo noticed how even Kageyama stopped what he was doing, which was scrolling through his Twitter Feed, and looked at Hinata in confusion.

“Well, you still remember how we talked about that crush I had?”

Hinata laughed nervously and Kuroo leaned back in his chair, that could turn out to be interesting.

If the shrimp had any intention to make a move at Kenma he should prepare to be disappointed because Kuroo knew from experience that Kenma's range of emotion did only involve love for games and not for real people.

Kenma nodded to answer Hinata's question, remembering all the text messages he received from Hinata at an ungodly hour talking about an unknown someone that drove him crazy all too clearly. He was never one to pry and he actually wasn't that interested in his best friend's love life so he never thought of asking him who his crush was.

He actually heard Hinata gulping before he continued to talk in a nervous and quiet voice.

“Well, it's … my crush is Kageyama and we are dating now.”

The words came out so fast that they barely caught them, but when they progressed the meaning of what Hinata had muttered everyone's mouth hung open in surprise.

The bouncing ball of sunshine Shouyou Hinata was dating Grumpy Cat impersonator no. 1 Tobio Kageyama?

Kuroo honestly thought they had set up a joke but when his gaze wandered from Hinata, who only wrung his hands in major embarrassment, to Kageyama he noticed that none of them was laughing.

In fact, Kageyama looked just as surprised as Kenma and Kuroo.

“Why are _you_ surprised, Kageyama?”, Kuroo asked in honest confusion.

Maybe Hinata didn't know that a relationship involved two people and had simply decided that they were dating on his own? He wouldn't put it past him, Hinata was kinda dumb like that.

Kageyama blinked and seemed to snap out of his surprise at Kuroo's words, because he regained his composure and put on his trademark angry expression, only that he was actually angry this time.

“Because I didn't know that he would blurt it out just like that, what the heck, Hinata!?”

He aimed his yelling at his, apparently, boyfriend who only pouted as an answer.

“So, it's true?” Kuroo perked up with a grin on his face, excited to have found another reason to piss Kageyama off.

Both Hinata and Kageyama answered at the same time, only that Hinata's answer was “Yes!” while Kageyama barked out a “No!”.

The orange haired boy turned to his angry boyfriend with an irritated look on his face.

“But we already kissed, doesn't that kinda make it official?”

Kageyama's anger was accompanied by sudden embarrassment and the blush on his face got Kuroo so close to bursting out laughing.

But he knew that he would be a dead man if he did that, so he tried to keep it down to a snicker while turning to see Kenma's reaction to the whole conversation.

From the distance he couldn't see that much of a difference but looking closer he could see a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It caused the grin on Kuroo's lips to grew even wider.

“We didn't talk about telling anyone!”

Hinata and Kageyama had moved closer together, both standing now and gesticulating wildly with their hands.

“But Kenma is my best friend, and I really wanted to tell someone.”

Hinata looked like he really didn't get why Kageyama was making such a fuss about it and honestly, Kuroo didn't get it either.

He supposed that below that angry expression of the black haired boy had to lie a soft core that was really vulnerable after all.

“Why!?”

Kageyama's voice had subsided a bit but he still looked like he was about to punch someone and Kuroo didn't like the fact that he was pretty much the only option if he decided to do so.

“Because I'm really happy about it, Bakageyama.”

Hinata looked at his feet with a blush and a pout on his face as Kageyama completely backpedaled at the sudden statement of his orange haired boyfriend. He took a step back in surprise and tried to hide how furiously he was blushing with one of his hands.

“Don't say such embarrassing things, dumbass.”

Both of them were avoiding the others red face in embarrassment and Kuroo felt like laughing again.

Ah yes, young love.

They both excused themselves to continue their talk outside of the room.

Kuroo burst out laughing the moment the door closed behind the two of them and was unable to stop until his sides hurt and tears were streaming down his face.

“Don't be such an asshole, Kuro.”

He heard from his voice that Kenma also couldn't keep himself from chuckling and cracked up again. After calming down Kuroo sat down on his friend's bed next to his covered legs, giggles still escaping his mouth.

“That was precious.”

Kuroo wiped some tears from the corner of his eyes and heard Kenma hum in agreement.

“It's kinda cute.”

The raven haired boy turned his eyes to his blonde friend whose gaze still lingered at the closed door.

“Their personalities are the direct opposite of each other, they are gonna clash pretty often, though.”

Kuroo was surprised to hear another chuckle from Kenma, yet his heart fluttered at the sound of it.

“You sound like Will Smith in 'Hitch'.”

Kenma looked at his friend with a small smile tugging at his lips and Kuroo returned it with a wide grin.

“Yeah duh, because I give great love advice.”

Kenma's answer to that was a snort and they started to discuss if Yamamoto or Kuroo gave shittier (greater, excuse you) advice and if 'Hitch' was a great or crappy movie until the door opened and a rather happy looking Hinata and a kinda disheveled looking Kageyama entered the room again.

Kenma and Kuroo congratulated them to their relationship and continued to chat and made fun of Kageyama until it hit 6 pm.

-

It was October 31st, Halloween. Kuroo's favorite day of the year.

Kenma was playing 'Fantasy Life' on his 3DS and pushing buttons with knitted eyebrows and the tip of his tongue peeking out between his lips in concentration when the door to his room burst open without warning.

Kenma didn't even have to look up to know that it was his stupid best friend. Kuroo had that bad habit of bursting into people's rooms without knocking since they were friends, what caused some awkward situations already, but the guy just wouldn't learn.

“Happy Halloween!” As if on cue Kuroo's voice yelled from across the room and Kenma answered him with a quiet “Happy Halloween.” of his own without looking up from his game.

He heard footsteps approaching his bedside and a lot of rustling that followed Kuroo's every step and Kenma couldn't relate to.

Curiosity got the better of him and the blonde looked up to find the source of the unknown rustling.

One source of the rustling was the black cape that was tied around Kuroo's neck and waving behind him with every step. The fabric looked thin and pretty cheap but fulfilled the purpose of his costume, he guessed.

Kenma supposed that Kuroo wanted to go with something relatively normal this year as he took in the rest of his friend's appearance.

Beneath the cape he wore a white shirt that was tucked messily into his black (and really tight) pants. His face looked unnaturally pale and ... was that eyeliner?

His black, otherwise messy bedhead was combed back and shone from all the hair gel holding it in place and on top of his hair he wore … cat ears.

“A vampire cat?” Kenma looked at his friend like he always did at least once at that time of the year: fed up.

Kuroo's grin only grew wider and revealed that he also wore two fake fangs.

“Yep, I'm Count Purrcula.”

He hid half of his face behind his cape, like Kenma had seen in the old Dracula movies, and attempted at something that should probably resemble a purr but rather sounded like someone was drowning a cow.

Kenma rolled his eyes until they wandered to the second source of the rustling he couldn't relate to.

Kuroo held two paperbacks in one hand and one in the other one, and as Kenma suspected what the content of at least one of those bags was he groaned.

His friend answered him with a low chuckle as he stashed the bags next to Kenma's bed.

Kuroo loved Halloween and since Kenma was his closest friend since childhood he forced him to celebrate it with him every year. That included forcing him to go from house to house in their neighborhood to trick-or-treat and, of course, dressing up.

Kuroo was always the one who picked out their costumes and somehow Kenma always ended up with something embarrassing while Kuroo tried to find stupid excuses for his choice of costumes.

Kenma would never forgive him for that one Halloween were he had to go as Princess Peach 'because they only had Wario costumes left and wouldn't you rather be a pretty princess than a fatso who farts all the time?'. Even though he kinda agreed with him on this one he would never forget the shame of going around the neighborhood dressed in a pink dress and a crown on his head, even if he had to admit that he got the most candy that year.

And although he died a little bit inside every time Kuroo burst into his room to show him what cool costumes he got them this year, he somehow came to like spending Halloween with Kuroo over the years.  
Kenma would never admit this out loud, though.

Like everything they did together it had somehow become familiar and something he didn't want to miss. They were precious times and he had to savor them, especially now.

The blonde boy blinked out of his thought when his friend whirled around and pointed at his butt. What the heck?

“Look, I even have a tail.”

Kuroo lifted his cape to show a black, fuzzy tail sewed to to his (seriously tight, holy crap) pants.

Kenma averted his gaze and tried to cover his blush by scratching at his nose while muttering something like: “Yeah, cool.”

Kuroo giggled excitedly as he turned around and crouched down next to the paper bags with a wide grin on his face.

Every year Kenma was surprised at how a stupid holiday could turn his best friend into a five year old.

“I got you something.”, the raven haired boy said in a sing-song voice and his grin stretched from ear to ear.

Kenma sent a prayer to everything that was willing to hear him out that it wouldn't be too stupid. Or a dress.

He was still alone in this room but knowing Kuroo he would force him to wear whatever dumb costume he got him for the rest of the day, which would ensure that at least a few nurses and Dr. Ukai would see him in his dress-up.

The rustling continued for a little while and Kenma returned to his game until Kuroo forced him to look up with a repeating chant of “Look! Look!”

What he held in his hands looked like a headband at first glance and Kenma feared that he had to be a princess again until he noticed two fluffy little cat ears that were attached to the band. And they were a bright pink.

“Why pink?” Kenma's voice was as close to a whine as it would ever get and Kuroo shrugged as an answer.

“They ran out of black ones. Plus, pink suits you.” Kuroo started grinning again and was met with a hard glare out of Kenma's direction.

Kuroo leaned over the blonde boy to put the cat ears on his head and Kenma's nose was suddenly filled with his scent.

Kuroo smelled like fall, like wet leaves and rain, and like the cologne he always used that smelled like earth and honey. He didn't dislike his scent, never did, but somehow it smelled even nicer to him now. He guessed it was because he hasn't been outside for what, two weeks now?

Kuroo smelled like the impersonation of fall to him and Kenma felt a little bit, really just a little bit, disappointed when the black haired boy stood up straight again to admire his work.

The blonde boy decided to go back to playing his game while Kuroo worked, there was no point in complaining anyway, he had learned that during the last few years.

He heard more rustling and groaned inwardly, there was more to come? Couldn't Kuroo spare him even in this condition?

Apparently not, because Kuroo forced him to pause his game by saying in a voice that didn't sound that cheery anymore: “Look up for a moment.”

Kenma looked up to complain or roll his eyes or do something to express his aversion, but that's when he noticed how close Kuroo was.

He was so close that he could see the white makeup badly applied to his face, so close that he noticed that he did indeed wear eyeliner on his lower eyelids.

He could feel Kuroo's warm breath on his face when he said in a voice that was barely above a whisper: “Hold still.”.

He wondered for a moment if Kuroo wanted to kiss him and his breath stocked in his throat when Kuroo lifted one hand to his face. That's when he noticed the pen in his hand.

“What …?”

“I said hold still.”  
Even beneath all the makeup Kenma could see a faint blush creeping across his friend's cheeks.

Kuroo put the fingers of his other hand on Kenma's left cheek to steady his face while he started to paint god knows what on his face. It hopefully wasn't anything obscene. Again.

“I hope this one isn't waterproof.”, Kenma mumbled as he tried to avoid looking at Kuroo's face, well aware of his own heated up face.

Kuroo chuckled lowly in his throat. “That was one time, don't be such a killjoy.”

Kenma couldn't prevent looking at his face at that, his voice had sounded so sad, like he badly missed the times when he drew a penis on Kenma's face for fun and only noticed afterwards that the marker he used was water proof and oh god, he was really close.

The blonde boy felt like a deer in headlights, unable to turn his gaze away from Kuroo's face.

They were so close that Kenma could feel Kuroo's warm breath on his lips every time he exhaled and Kenma's nose was filled with nothing but Kuroo's scent and the smell of makeup and hair gel.

There was only about one inch between their lips and it wouldn't take Kenma more than a small move of his head to press their lips together.

He felt like his heart was about to jump out of his throat and cold sweat was breaking out all over his body at the mere thought.

Kenma felt like he couldn't breathe, but this time his breathlessness wasn't the cause of his illness.

He thought about how he would like to find out how his lips felt pressed against Kuroo's slightly chapped ones and it scared him. It scared him that he had these thoughts and he couldn't tell why.

There was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind, like there was something that demanded attention, something that could give him answers.

Kenma didn't realize that he was staring until he noticed that Kuroo's movements had stopped and had to tear his eyes away from his lips, staring at his lips out of all the places, to look up into his friend's eyes and he nearly gasped at the sight.

Kuroo's eyes looked like they were filled with storm clouds, dark and agitated, and there was a glint in them that Kenma had never seen there before.

He looked like he was pleading silently with his eyes, for what he didn't know but his gaze alone made Kenma's heart beat that much faster and his cheeks glow even redder.

Before the blonde boy could figure out what Kuroo wanted to tell him with those unfamiliar eyes he blinked once and the look in his eyes was gone.

It needed all of Kenma's willpower to turn his eyes away and only then could he breathe freely.

Kuroo blinked a couple of times before he coughed and turned away with another deep blush on his face.

“I-I hope you like it.”

The cheeriness in his voice was gone and the words came out all scratchy and high-pitched.

Kuroo coughed once more for good measure and stood up straight, only then noticing how close they actually were.

He could have stayed like this till the end of eternity, getting lost in the amber depths of Kenma's eyes and feeling his weak breath leaving his body, just feeling that he was alive.

But he shouldn't get his hopes up more than necessary, he was sure that he was only freaking Kenma out and confusing his heart even more because that stupid thing wouldn't stop going crazy in his chest.

Kuroo crouched down to stash the make-up pen away when he heard Kenma sigh and then his nonchalant voice.

“Seriously?”

A small grin appeared on the raven haired boy's lips.

Kenma had caught his face in the reflection of the window and cast a tired glance at his friend, painted on whiskers and a black dot gracing his cheeks and nose.

“You are my cute assistant, Nyanpire. You should feel honored.”

Kenma didn't know if he wanted to rather punch Kuroo's fake fangs right out of his stupid grinning mouth or facepalm until the end of his existence. He decided on shaking his head for now.

Kuroo only laughed at Kenma's expression, that clearly indicated that he wasn't as excited about Kuroo's makeup skills as he was, and the atmosphere surrounding them seemed a lot lighter again.

“You do realize that I can't go trick-or-treating with you, though?”

Kenma pointed at the tube of a drip and several others sticking out of his arms to show what he was implying.

Kuroo's heart cringed at the thought but he covered it up by nonchalantly waving his hand.

“No purrblem, kitten, I already went around the neighborhood.”

Kuroo reached for the bags he had brought with him while Kenma scolded him for his bad puns, that were actually really great thank you very much, and heaved them on top of Kenma's bed next to his legs.

Kenma peeked curiously into the bags and saw that they were filled to the brim with all kinds of candy, Halloween themed and not, and raised one eyebrow at his black haired friend.

“That's a lot.”

Kuroo clicked his tongue and crossed his arms in front of his chest while cocking out one hip.

Kenma had provoked his sassy side and had to deal with the full-blown side effects of sassy Kuroo, something he didn't wish on his greatest enemies.

“Well, duh, except for a certain someone,” he shot Kenma a glare that was met with a roll of his eyes, “everyone else actually really liked my outfit and rewarded me with a lot of candy.”

He stuck his tongue out at Kenma like the child he was.

“Shouyou's grandma maybe a little too much, though.” He shuddered at the thought of granny Hinata's (supposedly) accidental ass grab.

“Ah, by the way.” The raven haired boy dug his hands into one of the bags in search for something.

After he found it, with a triumphant noise, he handed Kenma a self-made card and a bag of his favorite candy, mint flavored bonbons with chocolate filling, from Shouyou.

Kenma smiled at the badly drawn card that showed two stick figures with pumpkins for their heads.

One had a wide smile on its face and a speech bubble next to his head that said 'Happy Halloween, Kenma!!' and the other one looked rather grumpy with his mouth turned upside down and a speech bubble that said 'Get well soon.' in a different handwriting.

Kenma guessed that they were supposed to be Shouyou and his boyfriend Kageyama and found out to be right when he saw both of their names below a short text on the inside of the card.

Kuroo couldn't turn his gaze away from Kenma's smiling face. It made his chest grow warm and swell with happiness. He liked Kenma's smile, it was like catching a glance at a rainbow, rare and beautiful.

The blonde boy put the card on his night stand to the other cards and a few flowers that were starting to wilt.  
He opened the bag of bonbons he got from Hinata and popped one into his mouth before he looked up at Kuroo who turned his gaze away and pretended to be busy with one of the bags.

“So, what's the plan for today?”

Kuroo looked back at his friend, a smile appearing on his lips. He shrugged nonchalantly as he took a chocolate bar out of one of the bags.

“Dunno, how does eating candy and watching bad horror movies on TV sound?”

It was pretty much the same what they did every year, so Kenma only nodded as an answer.

“Fine with me.”

So they spent the rest of the day with doing exactly that. Kuroo sitting in a chair next to Kenma's bed, his legs resting on top of his bed, feet pressed to Kenma's under the blanket.

They decided to watch 'Jeepers Creepers' on TV, but not really watching as both of them already knew the movie and they rather spent their time together chatting and feeding off their Halloween candy or Kuroo watching Kenma play video games on his various handhelds.

It was like in old times and it felt good to pretend like they weren't in a hospital room and back at Kenma's room, munching candy and huddling together under blankets while watching horror movies they weren't supposed to watch.

They were occasionally interrupted by nurses checking on Kenma's condition, and 'Aww'-ing at his appearance or patting his pink cat ears while he died a little bit inside of embarrassment, and Dr. Ukai who decided to stay for a while longer to steal candy and chat with them about the newest episode of Supernatural.

Despite Kuroo's first dislike at the guy he kinda grew to think of him as an okay guy. He surely wasn't like other doctors he met, even though he haven't met that much, and liked to hang around to talk about stuff that wasn't related to Kenma's illness. It was a welcome distraction, to be honest.

He bid them goodbye with the words: “Don't eat too much candy, kiddos.” and returned to his work moments later.

Six o'clock rolled around way too quickly and they were interrupted in the middle of a conversation, about that one Halloween evening where Kenma puked all over his room because he ate too much candy, when they heard a knock on the door and Akaashi sticking his head through the open door moments later.

“Six pm, guys, time to go.”

Kuroo's grin vanished from his lips and he sighed.

“I'm on my way.”

Kuroo stood up and stretched, backbones popping back into place. Luckily Akaashi seemed to like Kuroo, or maybe it was Kenma, otherwise he would have dragged him out of the room in seconds. With his fists. In Kuroo's face.

The brunette nodded and disappeared behind the door again.

Kuroo turned to gather his things, he put the fake fangs he had removed from his mouth to properly eat candy into the back pockets of his pants, and took the bag with the makeup and candy he knew Kenma didn't like in one of his hands.

“Alright, I guess I gotta get going before Akaashi decides to use violence.”

He gave a dry chuckle as he turned his gaze to look at Kenma who paused his game and nodded at his PS Vita.

“I'm gonna leave the rest of the candy here, maybe you can share with Shouyou or your mom when they visit.”

Kenma gave another curt nod followed by a quiet “Thanks.”

“Alrighty, then see you tom-”

“I wish you didn't.”

Kuroo stopped in his movement of lifting one hand to wave and blinked at his friend, confused by the uttered words.

“Uh, what?”, he responded intelligently.

The blonde boy fidgeted with his blanket and avoided looking Kuroo in the eyes, but he could see the gloomy expression on his friend's face all too clearly.

“I wish you didn't have to go.”

He repeated his words even quieter than before but Kuroo still caught them and they made his heart stutter in his chest.

Kuroo crossed the distance between himself and Kenma's bed, quickly crouching down next to it and trying to catch Kenma's glance.

Amber eyes met his ink colored ones and the loneliness that spoke out of them made the urge to hug him stronger than ever before.

Instead Kuroo reached for one of Kenma's hands, hesitantly taking it into his own. Between his fingers Kenma's bony hand felt like that of a child and when he felt no resistance he cautiously squeezed them.

“Believe me, I don't want to either.”

He never wanted to leave. He would lie awake at night wondering what Kenma was doing right this second or how he was feeling and how he would do anything to be with him.

The raven haired boy tried to put on a reassuring smile but it would have been forced, so his expression remained as gloomy as Kenma's.

The blonde boy gave another nod, acknowledging his words.

“It won't be that much longer.”

Kuroo tightened his grip around Kenma's hand, trying to show him what he couldn't put into words. Kenma looked from their entwined fingers into Kuroo's eyes.

“How do you know?”

Kenma always looked through his lies, except that Kuroo never wanted to lie to him in the first place anyway, so he didn't even attempt to sugarcoat his next words.

“I... I don't. But you will get out of here soon.”

There was a hint of pleading in Kuroo's words, like he wanted Kenma to believe his words, at least just a little bit more than he did.

“Okay.”

Kenma gave him the tiniest of smiles and that was more than enough for Kuroo.

-

Another reason why Kuroo didn't mind Kenma having another best friend was that he also had someone who came really close to what he would call a best friend. Although nothing could top best friends since childhood, seriously.

He met Koutarou Bokuto at a festival about two years ago. Kuroo was sixteen and in the prime of his teenager life, wasting his time in arcade halls after school and sneaking out at night to get drunk off his ass to wake up in a room of some chick he didn't know in the morning.

Kuroo was your typical rebellious teenager and at the sweet age of sixteen Kuroo decided to drive with some friends to a small Rock festival he, of course, wasn't allowed to go to.

He mostly spent the time of the festival drunk and making out with girls and boys he didn't know. Rarely something more than making out happened and if it did, then Kuroo had no memory of it.

Shortly before the festival happened Kuroo had come to the conclusion that he might swing both ways, because he woke up one night to realize that he seemed to have a crush on his best friend since childhood and he wanted to do everything in his might to overcome mentioned crush he was 120% sure wasn't mutual, because Kenma wasn't like that and he would never feel the way Kuroo did about about him.

That's how he found himself drunkenly making out with one Koutaru Bokuto in front of one of the stages on the second day of the festival.

In his head it made a lot of sense to try and find a way of overcoming through booze and sloppy kisses with strangers. That was until he met Bokuto.

During their make-out-session, when both of them gasped for breath and felt nothing but the bass beating in their intoxicated bodies, they looked at each other and Kuroo felt like it was different than all the other times before.

Normally he would ask at that point if they wanted to go somewhere quieter or throw up all over the grass, but this time it was different, this time he wanted to talk.

Somehow Bokuto's gray eyes piercing through his own moved something inside of Kuroo that caused the urge to spill everything that bothered him lately to the stranger in front of him.

Instead of voicing these strange thoughts out loud though, the booze still cursing through his veins made his brain mushy and non-functional and so all that came out of his mouth was:

“Dude, has someone ever told you that you look like an owl?”

Kuroo snickered at his remark that was only funny in his head before he projectile-vomited all over the guy he had just called an owl.

Bokuto took Kuroo to his tent after that and provided them with clean clothes and the black haired boy with dry toast and a bottle of water.

After that, they talked.

Along of finding out about Kuroo's unhealthy crush and that Bokuto would totally date him they also found out that they had a lot of things in common and that they actually lived in the same city.

They exchanged numbers and met up a few times after the festival to find out that they actually thought of each other as comfortable company, even when they were sober. Even though that only happened rarely and mostly only at the beginning of their meet-ups.

If Kenma calmed him in many ways Bokuto was the one where he could act out his wild site. Or rather his stupid, dorky and sometimes really emotional side.

If he wanted to whine about how hard his life was, he went to Bokuto. If he wanted to get drunk on cheap wine and alcopops and sing 'My Heart Will Go On' out of an opened window at the top of his lungs while Bokuto applauded him and cried honest tears in the background, he went to Bokuto.

If he wanted distraction from his crush on his best friend that laid with a terminal illness in the hospital, he went to Bokuto.

So he went to Bokuto.

They wrote each other a lot when they didn't hang out, if something new happened in Kuroo's life Bokuto was the first one to hear about it.

Kenma was actually the first one, but he didn't tell Bokuto that because it needed only the mention of something the boy with the spiky silver hair disliked and he would mope for days. Until someone bought him his favorite candy and he was the happiest person in the world again.

Koutarou Bokuto's emotions were as stable as those of a pregnant woman. Actually, make it three pregnant woman.

Kuroo ringed the familiar bell on November 15th, he went to Bokuto's right after the visit at the hospital so he wouldn't be home too late.

The door opened almost instantly and Kuroo was embraced in a tight hug before he could do so much as open his mouth to greet his silver haired friend.

“Long time no see, kitty cat.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes at the dumb pet name, but he had learned to let it slip, because of aforementioned mood-swings.

“We met yesterday at the mall, stupid owl, or have you already forgotten?”

Kuroo's voice came out all tight because of being smothered by his best friend and he dramatically gasped for air when Bokuto let go of him. Only to smooch him on the cheek, that was.

“Nope, but I missed you.”

Bokuto's grinning face leaned only a few inches away from Kuroo's as he rubbed his cheeks in feinted disgust. Kuroo aimed for payback when he licked a long streak across his friend's cheek.

Bokuto jumped away in surprise and used both hands to remove Kuroo's saliva from his face while yelling on the top of his lungs.

“Ew eww ewww, distgusting, Kuroo, disgusting!”

Kuroo gave a barking laugh and followed his friend through the door, closing it behind him.

“Your parents not home?”, Kuroo asked as he removed his coat and scarf and hung them on the coat rack standing next to the entrance area.

When Bokuto answered his voice resonated through the corridor he was standing in from the kitchen that laid next to the living room area.

“Nope, we are free to do whatever we waaaaant.”

The black haired boy could literally hear the grin in his friend's voice as he made his way through the living room to find Bokuto standing in front of an opened fridge.

“I don't feel like getting senselessly drunk today, though.”

Kuroo propped both of his arms on top of the counter standing in the middle of the room before Bokuto turned his head around and gave him the doubting owl eye.

The boy with the messy bedhead shrugged nonchalantly while he traced the fake marble pattern of the counter top with his finger.

“You do realize that you say that every time we get senselessly drunk, though?”

Kuroo's shoulders slumped in defeat instantly, he had expected those words because he heard them every time, and he rested his forehead on his arms, sighing deeply.

“I know. What do you got?”

Bokuto shot his friend a wide grin that went unseen by him because he apparently decided to drown in his misery and get all mopey about it and the silver haired owl-boy made it his task of the day to change that.

As he listed the several bottles of booze he had found in the fridge Bokuto thought that Kuroo had a serious case of mood-swings.

-

A few hours and several empty alcopop bottles crowding the wooden coffee table later the conversations between the silver haired owl and his friend with the messy bedhead became more and more slurred and filled with more laughter that had no or really stupid reasons.

They were sitting next to each other in front of the creme colored sofa, even though neither of them knew how they came to sit in front of it instead of sitting on it, legs and shoulders touching and tears in the corner of their eyes from laughing about anything and nothing.

After an intense conversation about the color of rubber ducks Bokuto put a hand on his friend's shoulder (Well, he tried and failed at his first attempt and promptly hit Kuroo on the nose which caused him to punch his shoulder.) and tried to look serious into Kuroo's glassy eyes.

“Kenma.”, was the only thing he needed to say for Kuroo to groan and bury his face in his hands.

His voice sounded muffled and slurred, but the discomfort about the topic was still apparent in his words when he said: “Don't even get me started.”

Bokuto put his other hand on Kuroo's shoulder to turn him around and force him to look him in the eyes.

“Yes, I'm gonna get you started and I'm not gonna stop until you tell me that you're telling him that you like him.”

“That doesn't make sense.”

Kuroo lifted his head from his hands and used them to rub over his face instead, causing his rosy cheeks to get even redder.

Kuroo gave a deep sigh, that was followed by a hiccup, and looked at his friend with something in his eyes that resembled hopelessness.

“Ugh, don't look at me like that or I have to hug you.”, the boy with the spiky hair said dramatically and was met with a disgusted stare from his black haired friend.

“Seriously though, you have to tell him.”

Kuroo watched his owlish friend grab another two bottles from next to the couch where they had stashed the remaining full ones.

“I know, but I don't think that will change anything. To the better, at least, he will probably just hate me and stay away from me for the rest of his life.”

The sound of Bokuto opening a bottle was followed by a snort and caused Kuroo to look at him with a puzzled expression.

“I love you, dude, but you are an idiot.”

A small grin made its appearance on Bokuto's lips as he handed his mopey friend the open bottle.

“I don't want to hear that from you.”, Kuroo said as he lifted the bottle to his lips and took a few gulps, the alcopop was warm by now and too sweet but it fulfilled the purpose of making his head and the thoughts in it spin.

Bokuto took a few gulps from his own bottle before he answered in a slurred but serious voice: “Shut up.”

“But realtalk”, he continued, “you are hopeless for that guy and I can see that he likes you, too.”

That caused a snort from Kuroo's side and Bokuto to slap him on the knee in return.

“Yeah, no, I don't think so.”

Kuroo's voice sounded too close to hopelessness again for Bokuto's liking and he inched closer to his friend, so that both of their knees were touching. Kuroo didn't mind, they have gotten far more intimate than that already.

“Every time I see you guys together there are sparkles and roses surrounding you and angels singing in the background.”

Bokuto's wide grin was met with a doubting glance out of dark eyes.

“You know what I mean. He likes you, you are just too stupid to see it.”

The owlish boy's cackle was interrupted by Kuroo punching him into his ribs and spilling a little bit of both of their drinks on the carpet in the process.

Kuroo knew that Bokuto wasn't right, but he wasn't completely wrong either.

He wasn't the only one of the two caught staring occasionally, he had caught Kenma staring more than once already and even though he was fast to cover it up every time, Kuroo thought that he saw something in the blonde's stare that resembled his own when he looked at Kenma more than ten seconds. There were a lot of unspoken questions in his eyes and a look of longing for something he couldn't have.

And then there was this moment on Halloween evening, when Kuroo had painted Kenma's face, and they had gotten so close it nearly hurt physically to not touch him.

Kenma's amber eyes were burning with something that was new to Kuroo and it caused his heart to flutter like a young bird in his chest and he wanted nothing more than to cross that one inch between them and just connect their lips like it was meant to be.

And in these moments Kuroo wondered if Kenma actually felt like he did, or if this longing was directed at something else entirely.

But then Kenma had looked into Kuroo's eyes and he looked so scared, only his eyes telling him that he was afraid of something and Kuroo was so scared that it was him he was afraid of and he forced himself to back away. Again, like he had to countless times before and it started to hurt him in all the wrong places.

And he was still too much of a coward to just ask what the meaning behind Kenma's stares was and finally end his suffering.

A finger on his nose shook the raven haired boy out of his thoughts and he looked confused at the owner of said finger who was grinning like the self-confident idiot he was.

“I'm right, ain't I?”

Kuroo wanted to slap that grin right out of his face but inwardly he had to admit that yes, Bokuto was right and he should finally grow the balls to tell Kenma how he felt otherwise he would wither and die from all the confusion and suppressed feelings inside of him, he was sure of it.

He gave another deep sigh and propped one elbow on his knee, resting his chin in his hand.

He looked at his still grinning friend and said something he would never admit if he didn't have a lot of alcohol clouding his mind and if the person in front of him wasn't Bokuto.

“I'm scared.”

The grin vanished from Bokuto's lips and he calmly put his bottle aside before he tackled his friend into a bear hug that sent Kuroo's bottle flying and knocked the breath right out of him when his back hit the floor.

“What the ever-loving fu... Stop it, stupid owl!”

Kuroo was crushed by two strong arms around his ribcage and the sheer weight of a human sized owl pressing down on him.

“Nuh-uh, not until kitty cat smiles again.”

Bokuto's voice did a high-pitched imitation of a toddler's voice and Kuroo groaned because when he got like this he wouldn't stop bugging you until he got what he wanted.

Kuroo felt the arms around his chest loosen and wondered if Bokuto actually took pity on him but then he looked down to see the mischievous grin on his face and oh no, he wouldn't …

The raven haired boy didn't even have the time to end his thought when he gave a high-pitched, but yet really manly, yelp as Bokuto started to tickle the living hell out of him.

Between gasps and forced laughter, that turned into real ones at one point when Kuroo accidentally knocked his elbow into Bokuto's jaw, Kuroo tried to articulate a proper sentence to tell his stupid friend that he should stop or he would poison his next alcopop but the only words he managed were: “You stupid … I swear to … Koutarou! ... oh god, seriously … stop!” Always interrupted by laughter, of course.

When Kuroo felt like he was about to suffocate and Bokuto still wouldn't stop tickling him he mustered all of his strength to grab him by the shoulders and pushed him off of him, seating himself in his lap for good measure.

“Kinky.”, was the only remark Bokuto gave and he didn't even try to struggle when Kuroo pinned his arms down on either side of his head.

The raven haired boy breathed heavily into the grinning face beneath him until he didn't feel like he was about to die from the side effects of Bokuto's hardcore tickling, which were suffocation and an aching chest.

“I hate you and that was totally unnecessary and also, I hate you.”

Bokuto's grin grew only wider at Kuroo's annoyed words and when he realized that it wasn't punishment in Bokuto's eyes when Kuroo was straddling him he removed himself from the owlish boy and sat next to him cross-legged.

The silver haired boy rolled on his side and held his head up with one hand as he looked at his friend.

“But you liked it.”

“Did not.”

“Then why are you smiling?”

Kuroo noticed that his lips were indeed stretched into a small smile that was instantly replaced by a puzzled expression.

“Did not.”

Bokuto laughed at his grumpy remark and stood up to clean the mess they had made and to mess up Kuroo's messy bedhead even more by tousling it.

“Thank you, Koutarou.”

Kuroo's voice was quiet but it sounded honest. Bokuto acknowledged his thanks with a smile and a smooch to his friend's forehead, at which he was shooed away with flailing hands.

“Good luck, kitty cat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell what my other HQ!! OTPs are? CAN YOU??  
> I have to write some BokutoxKuroo Smut after this. -sexually unsatisfied breathing-
> 
> I love Bokuto aaaggghh, I love him so much and I hope I wrote him not all too much OOC.
> 
> Yeaaaahhhhr what else, I hope you liked the KageHina and all the other scenes and if something bothers you please go on and tell me and oh! 
> 
> HAPPY BELATED HALLOWEEN!! I hope you all had a grand one, mine kinda sucked but owell.
> 
> This chapter was literally the calm before the storm because the next one is gonna be shit. Like, tearjerker shit. People dying shit. Look forward to that.
> 
> Smooches to you all, you are great and thanks for all the kudos and stuff like GWAAH they are so much, I lurv it.
> 
> <3


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